Life — January 29, 1914 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Hail America, Hail! R. OWEN LOVE- JOY, of the Na- tional Child Labor Com- mittee, tells us there is more child labor in S, SS a United at ay Yy than in any other ‘st pe ‘ country that gocs in for civilization. It is inspiring. Let everybody rise, please, and reverently uncover while the orchestra plays “The Star-Span- gled Banner”, After that we might indulge ourselves in a few orations on such subjects as: “Efficiency in Industry", “ Those Inferior Foreign- ers”, “Making the Best Use of Posterity”. and the like. Then we could close with that delightful and stirring little ditty, beginning “ Way down South in the land of cotton, where the factory child is neglected and forgotten”. Indeed ? Needy Harvard students may now carn a little money by escorting young women to evening parties, thus combining business with pleasure. —New York Herald. Bu is it a pleasure to conduct a young lady to an evening party in New York? If you take her on foot you are likely to be run over or damaged by vehicles, insulted by public servants or clubbed by policemen. If you go on wheels you are likely to run over someone else. You will be obliged to listen to cheap music with which, if you are in the habit of eating in New York at all, you are already surfeited. You will have to sit up late at night, a custom not conducive to health. Worse than all, you will have no opportunity to get near the girl; there will every- where be listeners to your conversa- tion. In addition to this, what are the chances of getting a girl in New York who is worth listening or talking to? AYTON: After his death an au- topsy was performed, Mrs. Matarrop: How swell! which orchestra? By “Puar is only partly true. fri . _ Unpatriotic And now the temperance people in the East are proposing to install coffee houses in place of saloons. It makes little difference to a man whether he is killed by coffee or whiskey, and both are equally deadly if used to excess. —Seattle Argus. When you kill yourself drinking coffee, as our iend suggests, at least you are not so offensive to others as you may be when Optimistic Air-man: I'm yer Virginia T seems that there is one county in the State of Virginia which is the most illiterate county in the whole country, with one exception, It seems that there are eighty-one thousand white persons in the State of Virginia over ten years of age who cannot read or write, It scems that out of six hundred and sixteen thousand Virginia children only four hundred and twenty- seven thousand are in the schools. Shades of Washington and Jefferson! “GOT RELIGION” you are killing yourself drinking whiskey, But should we not pause and consider when we recommend anything in these days which has a tendency to lengthen any one’s life? Do not the great majority of people live too long anyway? Is the recent Life Extension, Promulgated by Mr. Taft and others, a desirable project? At one time you could have consid- erable fun with life in a leisurely way for seventy or eighty years. There was enough to fill in the time with acceptably, what with reading a few books over and over and having grand- children and great grandchildren to play with. But we no longer play with children. That is done by scientists with adjusted apparatus. We no longer look at scenery, which at from twenty to sev- enty miles an hour is only a blur. We no longer cultivate friends, because they, like ourselves, are dancing the tango or going to the movies or en- gaged in some other rapid pastime. At cighteen or thereabouts our young people have exhausted all the pleasures of life; there is nothing else worth while for them to do or see. Why, therefore, should anyone suggest any- thing which tends to prolong an ex- istence already rendered intolerable by its superfluous length ? T. L. M. AUDE: What is your ideal of 2 husband ? Beatrix: One who lets me have the last word in clothes and in conver- sation. comicbooks.com