Life — January 15, 1914 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“In additional to these events,” report Cousin Nogi, “price of ra- dium have went up 61,000,000$ per foot” “Did not Promus us price: of disgustly. “Perhapsly it is,” negotiate Nogi, “Yet Hon. Ose can be permitted to joke about radium, because it is so scarce that few Americans know how to cook it properly.” “The same wisedom might be said about eggs,” I collapse nervely. “ What other eventualities have evented?” “There has been 21 landslides in Panama Canal and one in Tammany Hall.” “Both will be expensive for con- tractors,” I snudge. “Hon. New York City have ar- ranged considerable moneycipal reform. Hon. John Playboy Mitchel, fused mayor of that place, say he will give N. Y. best government it ever got.” “Tt will require no championship to do that,” I flab. “If he attemp to give N. Y. worst government it ever got, that would be atheletic event of great importantness, because he must graft faster than Van Wyck in all his Van Wyckedness. But to be best mayor of N. Y. require merely to pass record of Hon. Seth Low, who were reformer of very gentle horse-power.” Cousin Nogi look down colum page of newspaper for more events. Hon, Osc Underwood faithlessly to reduce groceries?” I snuggest RECENT reports from Washington indi- cate that the Burnett literacy test for immigrants which was vetoed by President Taft, may after all, be incorporated in a new immigration bill. This test, in brief, is that immigrants arriv- ing in this country shall be able to read and write according to a certain standard. “ During cast-off year 1913 great progress have arrived to earth” “During annual year 1913,” he say onwards, “financial progress of U. S. included Glass-Owing Currency Bill—_” “Say not some further!” I holla. “Read about murders, society or other crimes. I am wearily fatigued with this 1913 already.” “Do you not think it were good year Making a Beginning else. 105 for Progress?” Nogi ask out for shock of tone, “Maybe was,” I exclam. “But which good do that do me if this year advance forwards and leave me be- hind? Doctor make dishcovery to cure disease what I ain’t got. Folks are killed in airships what I never ride. Dishcoveries is made in astron- omy while I are looking the other way. Hon. Ose Underwood make tariff re- duce shoes from $3 to $2.86—yet how I get this cheapness when I only con- tain 25c? All that year 1913 contain public events what happen while I was doing something else. I do not care for such progress.” “How sinful you think!” snuggest Nogi. ven if you wasn’t touched by any delicious calamity in this news- paper, yet you could still be happy. 1913 were great year for Gen. Pros- perity.” “Gen. Prosperity are a luxury which only the rich can afford,” I dib for Jim. Ham Lewis expression. “Naturally it should be!" corrode Nogi. “ Because if the poor was pros- perous who would dig ditch, throw bomb and do other dishagreeable duties?” “T shall worry from it!” are revamp from me while Nogi walk away from my borrowful expression looking like a pawnshop. Hoping you are the same Yours truly Hasuimvra Toco. (Per Wallace Irwin.) even go so far as cabinet officers, The idea of a literacy test should be the ability to convey your idea to anyone Judging by this standard, how many members of Congress would fail? ~ For the present purposes, we would not extend the test This is a good idea, but why would it not be well, so long as we are going to be par- ticular about the people who come into this country, to apply the literacy test to some of those who are already present? For example, to our congressmen and senators. DMIRER: We might any further than this. been placed upon a sounder literary basis, we might go so far as to extend it to authors—but not now. Later on, when the country has Where did you get that heartrending description of a sick child? Great Autuor: It’s the way my boy says he feels when he wants to get out of going to school. comicbooks.com