Life — January 8, 1914 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Eb IeE Letters of a Japanese Schaol-boy The Return of Mona Lisa To Editor “ Life Picture Paper” who can be comical with- out robbing art galleries, EAR SIR:— I wish you would listen this Senatorial Debate which I made between me & Cousin Nogi of recently. “Hon. Moan Eliza have been returned back home and foreign gentleman what tooked her are now arrested in jail.” This words was spoke by my Cousin Nogi, speaking by newspaper. “What did that foreign gentleman tooked her for?” I require with liquorless expression peculiar to Cong Hob- son. “He tooked her for a moving picture, I suppose, since she have been restlessly travelling so much,” snuggest Nogi. “He also tooked her for that 2,000,000$ she was worth, Such rich ladies is always re- sistless to foreign gentlemen.” “Yet why should he be jailed for that?” I holla. “Continual foreign gentlemen is taking American ladies worth 2,000,000$, yet they are seldom chased by police dogs.” “Ah well,” resist Nogi, “ French families is more stingy about their daughters than Americans. Also this Moan Eliza is not a lady.” “Not is?” I require shockly. this should not be unfortunate. After such delicious advertisement from news she can now waltz in vaudeville and make 2,000,000$ more yet. Have she considerable beauty on her face?” “Many persons says different,” re- port Nogi. “Because of her sweet ex- pression of comical smiles she has been called La Josherina. Like Hon. Wm H. Taft she continue to smile in spite of everything. Considerable ar- tists says her complexion looks more lovely every 20 years. Yet others com- plan how she needs frésh coat of paint in places where her enamel peeled off in 1863.” “This would seldom discourage Lil- lian Russell,” I rake off with Broadway expression. “It are never too late to learn something. She could probably take a few lessons in cold creamery and come out looking so recent that several editors would offer her en- larged checks for write ‘How I “Yet “This would seldom discourage Lillian Russell” Slapped Old Age in the Face by Moan Eliza, Famous Italian Divorcee.’ Nogi, how long you sippose this young lady have preserved her complexion?” “ About 400 years,” he dictate clamly. “ Why cannot you be more truthful when you lie to me?” I snagger peevly. “No lady would dare to continue so long, not even in Paris.” “Did I not explan how she were not a lady?” holla Nogi. “ Well, what could it, if not?” I ask to know. “She are entirely paint,” snagger him. She are an oiled portrait painted by Leonard O. Devinski, old fash- ioned genius.” “O.shux!" I elocute. “Why should Italian gentleman wish for run away with an Art when there are so many Actresses to capture?” “Gentleman what done that burglary were one Italian Raffles name of Bor- neo Pellagra,” Nogi expose. “ One day when owing 6% weeks for Paris board- ing house and feeling discouraged about finding job of burglary, he wander into Louvre Gallery (Paris) thinking how he should like to do something for Italy. His stomack were entirely vacuum from absentee break- fast and all his knuckles contained sor- row. So when he arrive to oiled por- trait marked La Josherina he notice how she smile. As soonly as that hungerstruck Italian seen that grin- nical expression he feel like Mrs. Pank- hurst looking at Eddie Foy, Enrage filled his dyspepsia. ‘The Janitor are now in other room dusting Venus de Milo, he say so, ‘Now are pretty good time for me to do act of patriot- ism. I shall remove off this famus comic picture and sell her to John Wanamaker for 2,000,000$, thusly re- venging Italy for what Napoleon Bona- parte burglarized.’ So he tuck Miss Eliza under his kimono and walk off- ward whistling ‘Robt. E. Lee Polka’ so the cuspodeon of the Louvre would think he was American, therefore too honest to steal. So you see this Italian gentleman cloped with Miss Eliza for top-high motives. He did not wish ob- tain money, but merely to make Hon. Napoleon feel shame.” “Patriots what do such deeds are comicbooks.com