Life, 1913-12-04 · page 41 of 112
Life — December 4, 1913 — page 41: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This satirical piece mocks both Japanese immigrants and American Christmas excess through deliberately fractured English spoken by a Japanese character soliciting donations for a Christmas tree ceremony. The humor targets multiple audiences: Japanese people are caricatured as financially shrewd and comically evasive (the undertaker refusing to donate), while Americans are mocked for wasteful holiday spending on "glass diamond, leather cigar, eyesore lamp and other useless throw-away." The undertaker character represents pragmatic self-interest—he profits from his business and sees no reason to subsidize Christmas festivities. The school-boy narrator proposes pooling American Christmas spending ($500 million) into a "National Sinker Fund" for collective benefit rather than individual indulgence. This reflects early 1900s attitudes: stereotyping Asian immigrants through dialect humor while simultaneously critiquing American consumerism and materialism. The satire works on the assumption that readers will find the broken English amusing rather than the actual social commentary about wealth distribution.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Letters of a Japanese School-boy How Could Christmas Wealth be Spent More Wisely 2 To Editor “Life Newspaper,” who are better than Christmas because he come once per weekly instead of per annually and cost less for the money, EAR MR:— The Young Men’s Heathen As- sociation, of which I am cashier, ex- pect to pive valuable Xmas tree cere- mony at Japanese Thinking * Society Hall, Dec. 25. By sending 5$ you will be welcome and we shall not care when you do not arrive. Sydney Katsu, Jr., who are president of this organism, send me out for bill- collect so I shall obtain sifficient cash- wealth to make that Christmas tree ex- pensive like grand opera. “Urge all Japanese to pay 5$ each for come & get val. present,” he say so. “3$ are too much for 25c party,” I snuggest. “Tt are customary for cheat folks at Christmas,” execute Sydney. “If you charged cost price for something folks might think it was Washington's Birth- day or some other dull holiday. You shall have no difficulty obtaining 5$ from each one. Sy Mary Christmas and it shall popp forth from. all Japanese.” So I go forthly and I do so. I visit several yellow complexions who say no objection to that slight income tax. J. Haro, Japanese photographer, poke forth money for remark that heathens should not be behind Christians in all branches of uncivilization. Hon. Frank Taki, Japanned bootpolisher give like- wise wealthy price and do not talk very brutal while doing so. But later when L approach up to J. Walter Naraguchi, Japanese undertaker, he seems very re- factory. He say he give all of his cus- tomers satisfaction for price charged and never hear complaint from folks he has buried. Therefore he could see no reason why he must pay 5$ rebate on his funerals just to make Christmas jolly. “Valuable Xmas tree ceremony” “What shall I get back for 5$ out- pay?” he ask to know. “You shall see Xmas tree amidst jolly-jolly song; you shall receive pearlish cuff-button, price 35¢ and be enabled to sip delicious lemonade-drunk to accompaniment of many beautiful ladies of Japanese complexion while children make happiness destroying This I tell. “T do not sing; my cuffs are com- fortable buttoned as they are; I can observe sifficient trees in cemeta without cost and can sip lemonade- drunk at home for cost of lemons where my wife is beautiful as any Jap- anese complexion; and why needs I pay 5$ ticket to see children de- stroy toys when I got 6 at home doing so daily?” “Scottish soul like yours could nev- er enjoy Xmas,” I dotter. “Holidays similar to Xmas is what makes Christians so depraved,” he snarrel, “Why should this date be a blow-out for money which is spent for zero? On each December all Ameri- can spend S$ each on glass diamond, leather cigar, eyesore lamp and other useless throw-away. What do this accomplish but give the soul neu- ralgia? Nothing! If all Americans should cling together with tightness resembling fly paper on this holi- date and buy big Public Benefit, then I also might donate 5$ like others.” “How should it?” I ask to know. “In America,” he report for statis- ticks, “there are now 100,000,000 resi- dents residing, not to include Hon. Harry Thaw, who are not always there. Sipposing each American on Dec 25 should donate price 5$ to Na- tional Sinker Fund. This would make 500,000,000$ complete cash which could be spent altogether for some wholesale wisdom.” “What would you do by wealth?” I ask to know. “Considerable much,” he determine. “Kindly tell a few which could,” I narrate. “ America could build another canal,” he say so. “She got one more than necessary already,” I aggrevate. “Hon. Taft could use to make new Republican Party.” “Tt cost more than that to wreck old one,” I dib. “Why should you spent so much on steam rollers.” “New York could buy subways and give them to people.” “When N. Y. gives anything to the people it is usually the wrong people,” I collapse, “ What is some more useful shopping for that 500,000,000$?” “ America could make her standing army stand up,” snuggest this smart planter. “Countries is most happy when they that