Life, 1913-10-02 · page 21 of 48
Life — October 2, 1913 — page 21: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a satirical dialogue between "Life" (the magazine/public opinion) and personified "War," depicted as a bullying, unreasonable character. The piece mocks pro-war ideology and militarism. **Key satirical targets:** - **War's philosophy**: The cartoon ridicules the "martial interpretation of history"—the notion that warfare drives civilization forward and that killing off a nation's strongest men somehow strengthens society (a twisted version of "survival of the fittest"). - **Colonel Constant Palaver**: Likely a fictional stand-in for actual pro-war military theorists or lobbyists pushing this ideology. - **Andrew Carnegie**: The steel magnate is mocked as hypocritical—simultaneously funding peace conferences while profiting from selling armor-plate to governments preparing for war. - **War's intransigence**: War refuses arbitration and reason, insisting only on violence—satirizing how military interests reject diplomatic solutions. The illustration references the 1863 Chickamauga battle (American Civil War), grounding the critique in historical carnage. The satire suggests that militaristic thinking, though claiming historical justification, is fundamentally illogical and destructive.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“ LJELLO, Lire?” “Yes.” “This is War speaking.” “Glad to hear your voice, War. What can we do for you?” “Come now, Lire, none of that. You know what I called up for. Why is it you are always saying mean things about me?” “Why—why—" “T’'m not surprised that you are em- barrassed. But I'll have you to under- stand that I’m not afraid of you, not for a minute. For two cents, I'd knock—” “Come, War, let's reason this—" “Reason! Reason! What has ever been accomplished by reason, I'd like to know? No reason for me. I find that the only proper way to settle things is to get mad and begin firing.” “Of course, War, we all admit that at times it is practically impossible to avoid a scrimmage, but don’t you think an effort towards a peaceful set- tlement should always be made first?” “Not at all; not at all! I’m as- tounded at your ignorance, to say noth- ing of your pusillanimity. You are evidently not familiar with the mar- tial interpretation of history.” “What's that?” “That's the very latest, sanest and best expository philosophy of the tele- ological summum bonum, It demon- strates beyond the peradventure of a ARTILLERY On Life’s Wire scintilla of a doubt that all the good things of history have been brought about entirely through the agency of war. The best book on the subject for beginners has been written by Colonel Constant Palaver, of the United States Lobby Reserves.” “Very interesting. We should be glad to look it over some time.” “You see, Lire, the theory in brief is this: War, by killing off the best and strongest and bravest men of .any particular age, leaves the weakest and the sleekest who are more fit to sur- ation which is so fool- THAT SUMMER—FIFTY YEARS AGO (CHICKAMAUGA, 1863) ish as to kill off all its strongest men which in turn proves that the phrase ‘ survival of the fittest’ is but another way of saying survival of the fightest. Ts that clear, Lire? “Not so clear as it might be?” “You are hopeless, Lire. It does seem that when you once get an idea into your head, you are lost. I guess you had better stop my subscrip- tion.” “Oh no, not. that. minute. Can't we matter?” “Don't mention Arbitration to me. It is my sworn enemy, I have taken a solemn vow to shoot arbi- tration on sight the very first time we meet.” “Oh well, have it your own way. By the by, what do you think of Andrew Carnegie?” “That all depends on whether he is addressing peace conferences or sell- ing armor-plate to the Government. Now don’t forget to cancel my sub- scription.” “Ts that final? Wouldn't you con- sider even a truce?” “ Absolutely fixal. I wouldn't con- sider a truce for a single minute. And what's more, I'd advise you to arm yourself, for if ever I meet you, well —you kn Good-bye.” “Good-bye, War. We shall give orders at once for a complete suit of coast defenses.” Hold on a arbitrate this E.0. J. comicbooks.com