Life, 1913-08-14 · page 34 of 40
Life — August 14, 1913 — page 34: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is primarily an **advertising page** with several short humorous anecdotes in the "Our Foolish Contemporaries" section. **Main Cartoons/Jokes:** 1. **"Correspondence School Hazing"**: Satire on the absurdity of mail-order education. A student literally hazed *himself* following written instructions from a correspondence school, producing the literal but ridiculous result of walking around with one shoe off and coat inside-out. 2. **"Lucky Louis"**: A Washington social joke playing on the superstition that thirteen at a table brings bad luck. A man named Louis is always invited to dinners—not for distinction, but because his presence makes fourteen, avoiding the unlucky number. 3. **"Missed Nothing"**: Baseball joke about arriving late to a scoreless game and missing nothing of consequence. 4. **"Unconscious Contempt"**: A speed-limit violator unknowingly offends a judge who serves dual roles (Road Commissioner and Justice), earning an extra fine for "contempt." The page emphasizes early-20th-century concerns: correspondence education's credibility, superstitions, and small-town authority figures' pettiness.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
One of the three great Pianos of the World The John Church Company Cancinaati New Yor Chicago Overt } Frices-Repular Styles'550°1500 | Correspondence School Hazing The young man walked down Dear- born Street with one shoe off and his coat turned inside out. A policeman stopped him, “What's the idea?" he demanded. “Well, you see, it's this way,” replied the young man. “I'm taking a course at a correspondence school, and yester- day those darn sophomores wrote to me and told me to haze myself.” —Chicago Inter Ocean. Comfort Without Extravagance, Hotel Woodstock, New York; Lucky Louis A Washington clubman was ciceroning a friend from the West through the social whirl of the national capital. “Who,” asked the westerner, indicat- ing a big, good-looking fellow at one of the clubs, “is that distinguished person?” “That,” replied the Washingtonian in the gravest of tones, “is Louis the Four- teenth.” . “Don't be absurd,” exclaimed the friend. “What do you mean?” “Well, his name is Louis, and he is always invited when, without him, there would be thirteen at the table.” —Argonaut. iced Oranges wit! h of bitters by mail, 25 Missed Nothing He and she arrived in the fifth inning. He (to a fan): What's the score? Fan: Nothing to nothing. Suz: Goody! We haven't missed a thing !—Iilinois Siren. Stop That Tank Trouble in Motor Boat and Auto with a “JASCO TANK” Made seamless and leakless of drawn steel, these tanks are a necessity to every owner who values safety and economy. They positively cannot leak, thus avoiding loss of gasolene and the serious danger of fire or explosion. Fine for extra storage. In all standard sizes at your dealer's or direct JANNEY, STEINMETZ & CO. Main Office New York Office Philadelphia Hudson Terminal Building Unconscious Contempt “ The way of the transgressor is hard,” said the Justice, as he fined Bildad for excecding the speed limit. “Not around here it ain't!" retorted Bildad. “I never saw such mushy roads in all my life.” “Ten dollars extra for contempt o° court,” said the Justice. “Why, I haven't said anything about you, Judge,” protested Bildad. “Yes, ye hev,” retorted the Justice. “I'm Road Commissioner here as well as Jestice 0” the Peace.” —Horper’s Weekly. An Ancient’s Woe Methuselah was pessimistic. “Age doesn’t help you any,” he de clared. “I now know eight hundred summer resorts where I don't want to go again."—New York Sun. MARTELL’S BRANDIES One Star Two Star Three Star ESTABLISHED 1715 V. O. Vv. S. O. V. S. O. P. Guaranteed over 25 years olf E. S. O. P. “#40 “ EXTRA «—« 50 “ Bottled in Cognac and guaranteed distilled from wine grown in the Charente G. S. NICHOLAS & CO., Sole Agents, 41 and 43 Beaver St., New York