Life, 1913-08-14 · page 32 of 40
Life — August 14, 1913 — page 32: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three brief humorous anecdotes typical of early 20th-century American satire: **"Under Different Names"** jokes about class-based language: a store clerk uses different terminology ("vase" vs. "vawz") depending on customer appearance, implying snobbery based on how customers pronounce words. **"The Longest Day"** presents a doctor-patient joke: a colonel claims that stopping drinking for 24 hours felt so long it actually *extended* his lifespan—dark humor about alcohol dependency. **"How Chesterton Sees It"** references G.K. Chesterton, the famous English writer known for paradoxical thinking. The satire mocks his reputation for inverting conventional perspectives—suggesting he'd literally stand on his head to achieve philosophical novelty rather than simply observing the sunset normally. The page also includes advertisements for Arrow Collars and Arrow Shirts, which were major American menswear brands of the era, featuring an illustration of a smartly-dressed man.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Under Different Names First Customer: I wish to select a vase. Froorwatxer: Yes, madam. James, show the: lady to the crockery depart- ment. Secoxp Customer: I wish to select a vawz. Fioorwatxer: Yes, madam. George, show the lady to the bric-a-brac depart- ment.—St. Louis Republic. The Longest Day A retired colonel had been advised by his doctor that if he did not give up whiskey it would shorten his life. “Think so?" asked the colonel. “Tam sure of it, colonel. If you will stop drinking I am sure it will prolong your days.” “Come to think of it, I believe you are right about that, doctor,” said the colonel. “I went twenty-four hours without a drink six months ago, and I Lave is published every Thuralay, simuttancously lo the United States, Great Britain, Canada and Reitish How Chesterton Sees [t “When Plain Folk, such as you a See the Sun sinking in the sty We think it is the Setting Sun, But Mr. Gilbert Chesterton Is not so casily misled He calmly stands upon his head And upside-down obtains 2 new And Chestertonian point of view Observing thus, how from his toes The Sun creeps nearer to bis n He cries, with wonder and delight ‘How Grand the Suni —Oli Magazine. Telling a Secret It is doubtful whether the persce asserted that secrets were made ty foresaw, even in his most eynica anything like the following co in Das Echo “Lottie tells me t secret that I told y “Oh, isn't she mean! to tell you that I told it to her.” “Yes, I told her that 1 wouls’ 4 you if she told me, so please dost her that I told you! ath’s Companicn! al pewsdealers in Great Britain and may be obtained from bookies le Possessions. $5.00 a year in ad ‘Additional postage to foreiga countries in the Postal Uniog, $1.04 a year: ‘The toreign trade supplied trom T1PE'S London Ofice. ( to Canada, 82 cents.” Single current copies, 10 cents. hack numbers, alter three months from date of publication, Been. Issues prior to 1910 out of pe No contribution will be returmed unless accompanied by stamped ant addressed envelope. LAPR does mot eld thsetf responsioce for the Lert ov now-return ef unioiicited COntPOMEORE ARROW COLLARS “*La Satte,’’ a light collar with deep points that may be worn under or r the waistcoat. i **Dorset’’ is like it-but has shorter points. Both good for the summer—2 for 25¢. Canada, 3 for soc. ARROW SHIRTS Their good qualities will bring you back for the same label when in need of shirts—$v.4 CLUETT, PEABODY & CO. Ine. Makers