Life — July 17, 1913 — page 32: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

An Efficiency Fiend The general manager of an Eastern railroad bad a dreaded reputation for laying off men whenever he found the slightest excuse. He appeared in the yards one day and two switchmen discussed him. “He don't look like the man we hear he is,” said one. “What do you hear?” the other asked. “Why, they say when he was at the funeral of Flannery's wife and the six pallbearers came out carrying the coffin he raised his hand and said: ‘ Hold on, boys! You can get along without two of them!'"—Saturday Evening Post. ‘na Pinch, use ALLEN’S FOOT-EASE No Sportsman A certain Irishman living in New York owns a number of tenement houses on the East Side in the Jewish district. One day one of his tenants, a little, wizened-up Jew, called at his office to make a complaint. “TI tell you, Mister Murphy, I am goin’ to leave it your flat.” “Sure, now,” answered Murphy, “and what is the trouble?” “Vell, I tell you dere’s too many rats in dot flat. Vy, only yesterday I kills eight!" Murphy jumped to his fect in anger, and bellowed forth: ‘An’ 'tis rats, is it, that is bothering ye? You lave thim rats alone! What do you want for cight dollars a month? Hunting privi- leges? "Everybody's. Dinan, when asked why she had not put on mourning for a recently deceased admirer, replied, “Law, miss, I just thought dis way. What's the usc? He's there and I'm here."—Harper’s. The utmost in Favour EGYPTIAN Startling News New Yorker (at box-office window) : “Have you two orchestra seats in the fourth row, center, for to-night?” Ticket Seller: “Yes, sir.” New Yorker (after recovering from the shock): “TI guess I don’t want them —the show can’t be any good!” —Lippincott's. | Sliced Oranges with a dash of Abbott's Bitters are ap petizing and healthful. Sample of bitters by mail, 25 cts. in stamps. C. W. Abbott Co., Baltimore, Md. | | Durixe sermon time the other day a baby began to cry, and its mother car- ried it toward the door. “Stop!” said the minister, “the baby’s not disturb- ing me.” The mother turned toward the pulpit, and made the audible remark, “Oh, ‘e ain't, ain't ‘e? But you're a disturbin® —British Weekly. TreUlmnst in Gporettes* Cork Tips or Plain A Good and Valid Reason “T wish this fellow wouldn't send you so many chocolates,” said the other svitor. “ Why?" simpered the girl. “Are you jealous?" but I prefer to eat marshmal- s."—Kansas City Journal. “T cax’t get that woman to take any fresh air,” complained the young physi- cian. “You don't word your advice prop- erly,” said the old doctor. “Tell her to perambulate daily in the park, taking co- pious inhalations of ozone. —Washington Herald. “James, there’s a burglar down stairs. I'm going for help.” “Wait a minute. I'll go with you.” —Harper’s Magazine. GREAT BEAR SPRING WATER SO cents per case of 6 glass stoppered bottles MARTELL’S BRANDIES Two Star Three Star ESTABLISHED 1715 Vv. O. Vv. S. 0. Vv. S. O. P. E. S. O. P. ¢ Guaranteed over 25 years old EXTRA “ 50 Bottled in Cognac and guaranteed distilled from wine grown in the Charente G. S. NICHOLAS & CO., Sole Agents, 41 and 43 Beaver St., New York comicbooks.com