Life — June 19, 1913 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

TONE E* Letters of a Japanese Schoolboy Are Military Suffragettes Earnest about it ? To Editor “Life Weekly” paper who appear with laughing regularity: Dear Mr:— At Patriots of Japan Hotel, San Francisco (where I are now enlodged awaiting to get job in cavalry when that war between California and Japan is shot off), I got considerable time to play, dominoes and dis- cuss important topics about the human race. My cousin Nogi, who learns ¢onsiderable wise wisdom from association by my intellectual brain, approach to me yesterday with jaow American printed news in his horrified hands. t “Togo!” thusly he say so, “I read in this wire cable from England how suffragetters are now burning the males!” “They stop at nothing and even less,” I snuggest with customary knowledge. “Howeverly, I hope they do not set confligrations to Hon. Lloyd-Geo or Hon. Geo IV be- cause both of these kings now seems deliciously necessary to British empire. “Great suffering is enjoyed daily by those ladies in jail,” Cousin Nogi read onwards. © Despite of kindy attemps of Hon. Police to serve them 5 o'clock tea through rubber tubes, for weeks and hours they refuses to eat prison food. What could be braver?” require Cousin Nogi. “Nothing—except to eat it,” are smart reply for me. “1 was once a boarder in a jail and I know how perilous it are to approach their stews.” ‘ “Togo!” subjugate Nogi with* expression of rapped enthusiasm peculiar to Hon. Elb, Hubbard. “How can your mind be so full of frills when ap- proaching an iron subject like English Military Suffrage?” “Because!” I say this with voice. Despite of fact that every English trouser are now shaking at the knees; despite of fact that every English cook lady are filling every cocoa-can with inferno-dynamite and placing him some- wheres where he won't go off; despite of fact that angry hat-pins are being speared into British Constitution and other rub- ber tires; despite of fact that English prison-hospitals is ordering more force- pumps than nursing bottles in the im- mediate recently; despite of fact that Mrs. O'H. Belmont are there giving Dutchesses instruction in mental jiu jitsu; despite of fact that every English- non ~ Every English trouser are now shaking" man’s home are his ruined castle, set on fire by his wife’s calling-list_ while he are away playing golluf-game—in despite of these startled statistics, yet 1 cannot feel any thrills in my thumbs for the militia qualities of those feminines. They are too frivolity. They are not siffi- cient firm-toothed in their attemps to be disagreeable.” All this I told to Nogi with superior intellectuality. “Are not England in a state of uncivil war?” require Nogi ignoramiously. “Tt are,” I renig with law-school expression peculiar to Prof. Taft. “Yet what are a few incivilities in a dense climate like England? Cannot English, ladies be more disagreeable than this, I ask to know?’ If not, what has happened to them since I seen some in California? O surely they can accomplish something more desperado than mere blow-up of trains. Where is their feminine secks, if they can't? Since original immigration of Hons. Adam & Eve ladies has been deliciously skillful at creating discomfort for gentlemen when required to do so. Can- not any ladies obtain hat-millinary from husband by brutal treatment? Why should she not obtain some votes by doing ditto? No reply from Nogi who set silently making shorthand from my educational language. “If them English wives requires votes and other election frauds same likg husbands got, they should stick together with all the glue of their souls,” I tell Nogi so he shall know. “They should make riots with remarkable team- work similar to National Leagues. When Hon. Femaline Pankhurst punch button they should all upjump together and do something. They should hire Hon. Debs to make them into a Ladies’ Union. Sipposing all Ladies’ Union of England should go on a strike-out together! Sipposing they should all stand upright before their husbands and report with cross voice peculiar to mad eagles, ‘Hereafterly you may wash dishes, bear children and do all other kitchen work!’ Sipposing they all said thusly and march offwards. Every stove in England would contain cold mush while that damp island would become more so from cry-baby reports from infants being held unscien- tifically by lonesome fathers. If that situation arrive, soonly every telephone would be filled with following conversa- tion: ‘Are you there sweetsome honey- drip doll?’ require basso talk, ‘I are!’ say blonde sporano. ‘What you require ecme home?’ he ask out. ‘Votes for women!’ she shreech. ‘Take it in ad- vance!’ sobb wide British voice without H.” All this I explain to Nogi whose brain is less Harvard than mine. comicbooks.com