Life — June 12, 1913 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

oo Wi i “BEAUTY AND THE BEAST” Art Nervo HIS picture, which is just dry, was painted by a plumber who, when repairing a leaking gas jet which was ordained to shed further light on a work by M. Henri Matisse, discovered that he had been wasting his life soldering elbow-joints when all the while he might have been posing as a living proof that Michael Angelo was a failure and Raphael a misguided dub. The artist hesitated a long time between “Lady in Red Madras Kimona, Trimmed with Cluny Lace, Be- holding Platter of Violet Custard,” or “ Study in Mauve, (Fragment),” as a name for his masterpiece, but was still low enough of brow to fasten on the more vulgar title printed above as a highly appropriate appellation and all that could be desired. After settling this matter of serious moment, it oc- curred to the leak-rectifying Futurist that the “Beast” ought to be introduced somewhere on the canvas, but his scrupulous helper suggested that the animal might not stand for an introduction and the matter was dropped. The “ Beast” is supposed to be hidden behind the. French artichoke forest flourishing at the lady’s right, but as it was only a “thought” beast it might not have had much paint wasted on it and it matters little if it never comes to light. It may be noticed that the talented mechanic has painted some expression in the lady’s face in direct viola- tion of New Art game rules for 1013. It is evident that the lady is full of joy or something just as good. It may further be observed that a bit of drawing has been al- lowed to creep upon the canvas which is also flagrantly at variance with new regulations, but it is to be remembered that nobody is expected to arrive at the pinnacle of true artistic perfection at a first attempt or reckoned upon to grasp all the higher motives on a single day off. Old-school critics may complain that the lady is suf- fering from a Colles fracture of the right wrist and that cerebro-spinal meningitis has claimed her for its own. Others may carp at the lack of concerted co-operation between the anatomical items which should combine in forming what must be considered her face, but as “ beauty is but skin deep,” it is highly probable that Madame Recamier would have appeared a fright in comparison to this charming feminine creation were “Beauty” turned inside out or scraped. The trio of bananas to be seen munching the pretty purple buttercups growing on the crimson sward beside the gray brass platter were brought into the composition as a color foil to the blue copper pitcher, and they are not “thought” bananas at all. Also, their presence should prove to the un-uplifted Realist that the lady may top off her appetizing banquet with some nice emerald fruit. The plumber’s assistant, who helped to mend a leaking radiator beneath a Picabia, is going in for the cube, and the boss, who supervised the job while leaning against an Archipanko problem, will take up sculpture if he can get a decent offer for his shop. There is money in plumbing, but it is a business which requires a certain amount of intelligent thought. The culinary accessories exploited in “ Beauty and the Beast” were borrowed from M. André Derain’s “ Window in the Park,” but he can have them back Harry Grant Dart. JUDGE PARIS If they came fo him to-day, As they did in Homer's lay, Hera, Pallas, Aphrodite Would he choose the Wise, the Mighty, Passing by the Fair and Flighty? Would the Shepherd-Judge retrench (Woolsack ” of the Trojan Bench!) In the modern competition Beauty, Brains and “ High Position ” No,—he'd choose the same old way As he did in Helen's day. Amor vincit, non Decorum, Acternitatis sacculorum! comicbooks.com