Life, 1913-05-22 · page 37 of 48
Life — May 22, 1913 — page 37: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This satirical essay mocks college professors for obsessing over the "fourth dimension"—a concept from early 20th-century theoretical physics that captured public imagination. Life's writers ridicule academics for pursuing abstract, unprovable ideas with the same earnestness they'd apply to measurable phenomena. The joke: professors have exhausted practical knowledge ("measured and probed...time, space and matter") and now chase the unknowable simply because it doesn't exist—making their pursuits pointless. The satire suggests intellectual pretension and academic fashion: professors explain concepts they "know nothing about" to indifferent students, warranting dunce caps for their vanity. The page also contains period advertisements (Carstairs whiskey, Weed tire chains) and a humorous definitions section ("An Editor—Defined") offering tongue-in-cheek takes on editorial personas—standard Life magazine fare blending advertising, satire, and social commentary.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
The Pursuit of the Impossible OLLEGE professors are quite fre- quently given to. pursuing the Impossible, but they indulge most con- spicuously in this vain quest when they start out to find a fourth dimension. They speak of it as “the” fourth dimension as though it were a new kind of breakfast food. They have meas- ured and probed and plotted and ana- lyzed and microscoped and telescoped time, space and matter in all their aspects and manifestations and to their furthermost limits. They have done it so completely that somehow they feel they haven't done it well, so they want to find a fourth dimension and begin all over again on something that doesn't exist. Perhaps at this very moment some college professor is slowly and sol- emnly explaining a fourth dimension which he knows nothing about to a sleepy student who cares nothing about it. If such there be, we hereby grant him carte blanche to rewrite d's biography and get measured for a new dunce cap. Enters the Best 2° Homes : For 125 years Carstairs’ purity and excellence have never varied. It is finest for medicinal purposes and all occasions where hospitality plays a part, Smooth, mellow, palatable. Blended of the finest ryes. Aged in wood. The numbered label shows our bottling. Established 1788 ——— 5 THE SCIENCE OF A NEW LIFE. Married? #'7,SCENCE 95 | SEW Lire, illustrations. This is the most valuable relation ever issued. Circular giving full 'plormation free. Address +S. OGILVIE PUBLISHING CO., 107 Rose St., New York book on the marriage Saved Weed Tire Chains enable you to safely make sharp turns and quick stops when a momentary loss of control means loss of life The above picture illustrates one of the numerous situations in which you may be placed during bad road weather—when suddenly someone appears directly in your path and in a fraction of asecond you must make a sharp turn and apply the brakes. It is then you require a firm unfailing grip on the road which can only be obtained by equipping all tires with Weed Antissia Chains The Only Device that absolutely Prevents Skidding No matter how expert and careful you are pleasures of motoring forever after,when safety when driving on wet pavements and muddy can surely be yours by equipping all four Toads the jrgecherous bare ited Fo a tires with WEED CHAINS? andicap that defeats your very best efforts WEED CHAINS cannot in- to prevent a skid. . jure tires because “they creep. The memory of one accident deters future Easily put on ina jiffy without enjoyment in the use of a car. Why run the the use of a jack or other tools. risk of such accidents and why forfeit the Direciiogs packed wiih eveey pall, WEED CHAIN TIRE GRIP CO., New York Manufactured in Canada by DOMINION CHAIN CO., Limited—Head Office, 137 McGill St., Montreal Can. An Editor—Defined Y AN UNSUCCESSFUL CONTRIBUTOR: A malignant person, utterly devoid B of literary discrimination or taste. A player of favorites. An unjust judge. By an “Interest” He Opposes: A dog in the manger. A mule. A pinhead A fathead. An ignoramus. A breeder of popular clamor. By « Rivat Eprtor: An accident. A personification of conceit By His Wire: An absent-minded genius, who requites her public praise and private discipline. By a Successrut Contriputor: A keen but amiable man, who holds the key to the treasury. A friend in need. A good fairy. The hope of the future comicbooks.com