Life, 1913-03-13 · page 17 of 44
Life — March 13, 1913 — page 17: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This satirical piece mocks both historical revisionism and early 20th-century American social problems. The text humorously credits Vespucci with discovering America first, then suggests he wisely warned Columbus against it—predicting America's future ills with dark comedy. The joke: Vespucci claims that once colonized, America will be plagued by politicians, the wealthy elite ("the 400"), labor unions, and financial systems—problems absent from the pristine pre-Columbian world. This biting critique skewers contemporary American society: political corruption, class division, labor strife, and financial speculation. The accompanying illustrations (labeled "Lifers—Doing Time") show prison scenes, likely reinforcing the theme that civilization itself is a kind of imprisonment compared to natural freedom. The satire reflects early 1900s progressive anxieties about urbanization, industrialization, and wealth inequality.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Fictitious Biographies People AMERIGO VE: MARCH 18, 1452 MERIGO VESPUCCI was the first man to discover America, but he died so soon afterwards that it is now too late to punish him. Know- ing that Columbus was looking around for an Italian catboat to practise on the Atlantic Ocean with, Amerigo Vespucci said to himself, “I will get there first,” and immediately set sail for Palm Beach, arriving there in the middle of winter. He was enthu- siastically received by the natives, who found that he had a few dollars left over, and promptly relieved him not only of these. but also of any spare clothing that he might have had con- cealed about his person when he landed The hotels, having refused him ad- mission on the ground that he was not a millionaire, and therefore was too PUCCI, FLO! LIFERS “DOING TIME” good to associate with ordinary peo- ple, he wandered about for ages among the Florida orange groves, trying to find one upon which the owner was making any money. Having failed in this project, he started for South America, hoping that he might take part in a Revolution, but there being no Revolution on hand just then, he paddled back home, where he tried all his life to conceal the fact that he had discovered one of the greatest lands of freedom ever bound under the yoke of politicians. Amerigo Vespucci has never had the credit that is really his due. Shortly after his return he went to Columbus and said to him: “Old man, don’t do it. T know what the result will be. If you discover America it will be named after me to begin with. and people will blame me for the act. Better let sleeping dogs lie. At present the natives are having a fairly good time: there are no poli- ticians there, no ‘400,’ no labor unions. no Hebrews and no financial system. If you go over there you never can tell what will happen.” Columbus, however, as we know, would not take the advice of Amerigo Vespucci, one of the greatest prophets who ever lived. LOOK GLAD Pop's HAVING SCREENS PUT IN.” “on, comicbooks.com