Life — January 30, 1913 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ea SFr gh immense ON Ta a ae The Pertect Dross Tie The tie with the hutlon-or tabs Buy by the label “The Niet Dents ‘ Wade of the finest Irench Fabrics. Sold in the best shops the world SOcents and better: 8 Lockwood hey aene over. Song—Mr. Carnegie A princelier son of Plutus never Did in this world exist; To nobody second I'm easily reckoned The boss philanthropist, It is my most inane endeavor To rid myself of pelf So every cent'll Quite incidental Ly advertise myself. My object all sublime I shall achieve in time— To show that opulence is a crime, That opulence is a crime; And make each million spent Eternally represent A never-ending advertisement An endless advertisement. 1 lie awake nights invent To give my wealth away I've libraries scattered And spattered and splattered All over the U. S. A And every hour er so I start A “Fund” for this or that: Bat somehow or other, In one way or tvother, They fall extremely flat plans fling my gold like sightless Plutus, The mythological mint, And prattle with unction At every function To get my name in print It is my daily and d My constant end and To scatter my ducats, In barrels and buckets, And advertise my name. endeavor, —Chicago Trib: “How did you like the actor who Played the king?” “Ever since I saw him I've been in favor of a republic.” —Fliegende Blatter. LIFE “Who Makes War?” “Is there no means of war?” This question is being asked with avoiding some bewilderment by millions of men in this country who want to know what difficulties there are in the present sit- uation which should threaten Europe with a general war. * * * There are no irresistible waves of popular feeling, no gusts of angry pas- sion, such as sweep whi war before they are well aware of what they are doing. There is no great wa- tion in Europe which to-da has the least desire that millions of men should be torn from their homes and flung head- long to destruction at the bidding of vain ambitions. In England men will learn zement and incredulity that war is possible over the question of a Servian le peoples into with ani pert, or even over the larger issues which are said to lic behind it. Yet that is whither the nations are blindly drifting. Who, then, makes war? The answer is to be Chancelleries of Europe who have too long pl found in the among the men ed with human lives as pawns in a game of chess, who have become so enmeshed in formulas end the jargon of diplomacy that they have ceased to be conscious of the pé nant realities with which they trifle And thus will war continue to be made until the gr the sport of professional schemers and dreamers say the word which shall bring not eternal peace, for that is impossible, but masses who determination that wars shall be fought only in a just and righteous ard ndon Tim vital cause.” Socrates being asked whether it were Hetter to marry or not to marry, replied “Whichever you do, you will regret it.” When you want a whiskey that is a little bet- ter than you can get at your club, I have it for you. Vv. O. S. GOLD ARMOR WHISKEY A blend of straight Bourbons, one selected for | its aroma, another for its body and a third for its| flavor, and all taken from my own family’s collec- tion of rare old Bourbons—so harmonized as to produce that exquisite bouquet, the eternal quest | of the connoisseur. Undoubtedly an ideal ii whiskey, but if you don’t find it so you can have your money returned. Sold only by mail, 4 quarts $6. Send check or use your business stationery. Express prepaid. RANDOLPH ROSE, Exclusively fine old whiskies. York Street, Newport, Kentucky. 29 — Smart Fashions Einited: al ncontee Number NOW ON SALE “Smartness in dress depends far more on Information than on Incom A Useful Documen. The orders of Mr. J. W. Brooks, a once celebrated American railroad m, ager of Michigan were, it is said, almost beyond ering, On a c casion, when a second line had been laid on one of the branch roads, it was reported at headquarters that the b, of an old farmer stood partly upon land which the dangerously near to passing trains. Mr. Brooks, just getting ready for a trip down the farmer that he must move his barn from the company’s land at once. If he de- layed he would be liable to a suit for 1 ain oc " company had bought, and Mississippi, wrote to the damages. The old farmer duly received ke out er’s signature, but not another word could he decipher. He took it to the village postmaster, who, equally unable to translate the hieroglyphic was unwilling to acknowle it “Didn't you sell a strip of land to the railroad?" he asked. “Yes.” “Well, I guess this is a free pass over the road. And for over a year the farmer used the manager's letter as a pass, not one of the conductors being able to dispute his translation of the instrument —From Tidbits of American Humor. the letter, and was able to 1 the m Bookkeeper (fo boss): Mr. I'm going to get married. Grovcn: Glad to hear it. You won't he so all-fired anxious to get home early. Grouch, —Business. comicbooks.com