Life — January 30, 1913 — page 34: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

EERIE: ut 1908 Life Pub. Co. By Walt Kuhn Photogravure, 13)4x16 in, socents “What's the use, anyway? Nothing but an egg yesterday and a feather duster to-morrow"* By Mark Fenderson Facsimile in Color, 13 x 15 in. soeents, To any address, upon receipt of remittance. LIFE PUBLISHING COMPANY 17 West 31 Street, New York LCO MOTOR BOATS “‘will serve you on the water They are speedy, safe, sure, offering you all the thrills of motoring without any of its dangers or its dirt. as the automobile does on land.” Address Eco 175 Ave. A rode in trolleys and found that every little while the companies would abol- ish transfers with the plea that they could no longer afford to give them. He rode in taxicabs and found that the price was greater and greater all the time.” “That's been my experience, too.” “ And yet his own little private trans- portation system became less and less expensive from day to day. He began to devote more and more time to his figures. He sold out his business so that he could give every possible min- ute to the solution of the problem. He got hold of the reports and the state- ments of the transportation companies and conned them studiously. Finally he thought he discovered the cause. It was because his automobile was not bonded and stocked. He tried to work out a plan to bond it and stock it him- self, but he couldn’t make it work out right. So one day, pale and haggard, he walked into the office of the big- gest banker in Wall street and de- manded that his automobile be under- written for a large amount. Natural- ly the magnate was frightened. Capi- tal is always timid, you know. The banker called several clerks around him while this fellow tried to explain lucidly how he wanted his own trans- portation system to be as progressive as’ other transportation systems, and how he wanted to feel that he could charge up to operating expenses each year a large amount for interest and dividends. They asked him if he was going to sell the bonds and stocks and he said no, that he was going to keep them. Then they tried to explain that his proposal was foolish. Then he grew very excited. With that they called the bouncer and, as he grew more violent after his incarceration in prison, they had to bring him here.” “Is it a hopeless case?” asked the visitor. “Can't tell, but you see he is still at it, Listen. I'll ask him a question. You're not crazy, are you, Johnson?” “ Somebody's crazy,” replied the pa- tient. “If it isn’t I, then it’s the rest of them.” Ellis O. Jones. "Youll always be {onda hon Many Happy Returns The current number of Lire (January 2) is its Birthday issue and celebrates ] the thirtieth year of the paper's career— a carcer that its publishers and editors can look back upon with more than justi- s fiable pride, for Lire is not only one of ' the best humorous periodicals of Amer- ' " ica, but one of the very best in the world, and beneath its frivolous cloak iv 1 does a great work for the welfare of | ' humanity, Many an ironical joke about child labor, cruelty to animals, underpaid employees and other important matters has done more toward improving condi- tions than the long-winded articles of the more serious-minded press. Its editorial columns are always witty and to the point, dealing with affairs of the world in a terse and amusing style; while its illustrations and text matter are selected from the best that the American literary and artistic world can offer. Lire never stoops to be vulgar or common, and when iv has anything to say, it strikes from the shoulder, but never hits an enemy below the belt. ———— —The News Trade. There’s the glow of life in Old Overholt Rye “2% =) Keen, warm, vital—cap- om tured from the hot sun + that vitalized the rye. A stimulant of quali- ty—a dependable, i pure rye whiskey | bottled in bond. } comicbooks.com