Life, 1913-01-09 · page 57 of 100
Life — January 9, 1913 — page 57: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
**The Cartoon:** Father Time contemplates giving humans automobiles—a satirical jab at how the automobile, newly commonplace in 1911, has dramatically altered social life. The chaotic crowd and absurd conveyance suggest bewilderment at this transformative technology. **The Main Article:** A humorous essay sarcastically "proves" that owning an automobile doesn't burden friends financially. The author meticulously tracks trivial expenses (bridge tolls, cigars, a hot water bag cover) totaling $1.64 from five visiting friends over five weeks. The deadpan accounting and absurdly low figures constitute the joke—the piece ridicules both automobile owners' penny-pinching anxiety and the pretense of detailed hospitality accounting. **The Acrostic Poem:** A critical commentary on stock market speculation and investment schemes, spelling "STOCK" vertically while warning of treacherous financial tips and risky commodities—reflecting early-20th-century anxieties about unregulated markets.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Father Time: 1 WONDER WHY 1 NEVER THOUGHT OF THIS BEFORE Acrostic Sundry shares scemingly secure. Treacherous tips tripping tyros. Odd offerings optimistically ordained. Continual commissions complicating computation. Kommodities kontaining kurious kinks Sirens seductively singing speculation. What My Auto Cost My Friends N the Spring of 1911 I purchased an automobile with a detachable limousine body. From that time on I found my circle of friends increasing very rapidly, and I deter- mined to ascertain how much my automobile was costing them. The following facts are absolutely trustworthy, as they were taken from data made upon the spot, and I am able to give to the world the exact figures: My first friends, A and his wife, spent Saturday and Sunday with me. We traveled 264 miles, and A paid the toll over three bridges, amounting to 24 cents; in addi- tion to this, he insisted upon my wife having an ice cream soda, but instead of this she took an orange phosphate, so he saved § cents by the operation; total, 29 cents. My second friend, B, is a bachelor. I had him out for a week, and he presented me with one cigar every day; fortunately, I know the brand, and can affirm that they cost 8 cents a piece. Seven days at 8 cents; total, 56 cents. My third friend, C, was a college classmate of my wife's. She was here for two weeks, rode on an averag of 60 miles a day, and on her return home sent us by registered letter a red worsted cover for a hot water bag We had it appraised at 49 cents—plus postage 10 cents; total, 59 cents. My fourth friend, D, went with us on the Ideal Tour, he tipped two waiters—amount, 20 cents, and offered to treat us to a mushroom supper, knowing that we never ate mushrooms; total, 20 cents. Thus, in the first five weeks’ time, my friends spent a total of $1.64. I find that this is about the correct amount for this period, and I hope that this will disprove, once for all, the idea that it is expensive to your friends for you to have automobile. My experience has been directly the con- trary, and I should advise any friends of any one who had an automobile, not to feel that he is indulging in any ex- travagance in being such a friend. AS Agnes achieved popularity in her suburban home?” “Yes; she keeps her doors wide open and her mouth tight shut.’