Life, 1912-12-05 · page 61 of 116
Life — December 5, 1912 — page 61: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains early 20th-century automobile-themed humor. The main feature, "What They Want for Christmas," is a pun list where various character types desire auto parts as gifts—the "condemned criminal" wants a "shock absorber," the "drunkard" wants a "tank," etc. Each pun plays on how automotive terminology sounds like what that character type would actually want. "How Not to Do It" critiques the U.S. postal system's newly-adopted parcel post zones as deliberately ineffective compared to European systems—satirizing American bureaucratic inefficiency. The cartoons illustrate everyday scenes: one shows inaction (literally labeled "lacks action"), another depicts "Skinny's Christmas Dream"—a thin man's fantasy of being served abundant holiday meat at a lavish table, addressing class anxieties about wealth and food access during this era. The Japanese love poem appears unrelated, possibly filler content typical of magazines mixing diverse material.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A Xee t LIFE bt cater ” What They Want for Christmas The condemned criminal—A_ shock absorber. The hired girl—Brakes The boy—A top. The baby—A hood. The drunkard—A tank. The baseball fan—A long stroke. The drowning man—A clutch, The country lover—A sparkplug. The carver—A universal joint. The mathematician—A differential. The tiger—A full elliptical spring. The hippopotamus—A splash sys- tem. How Not to Do It UROPE is full of parcel posts, but there are no zone systems such as has been adopted for this world power of ours. When we re- member what a struggle it was to get a parcel post of any kind, perhaps we should not be surprised, even if grieved, that it should be adopted in THIS DRAWING LACKS ACTION a way to make it as ineffective and as unattractive as possible. A Japanese Love Song HITE flower of the iris, Pale lily of the shade, Small dreamer of the ocean, My little Eastern maid ; | Chill blows the wind from west- ward, It could but bring you pain, ‘To leave your sacred mountains And tempt the bounding main. Wee geisha of the garden, Slim priestess of the hill, Your lips are sweet for kissing, And I would kiss them still, But that the wide West calls me, To leave your fragile spell White flower of the iris, Pale cherry-bloom, farewell. Leolyn Louise Everett. SKINNY'S CHRISTMAS DREAM “A LITTLE MORE OF THE ROAST BEEF, SIR, OR WILL YOU TRY SOME OF THE TURKEY?” XUM comicbooks.com |