Life — August 8, 1912 — page 37: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Lat so lat ge Railway Etiquette Many people have traveled all their lives and do not know how to behave For the ance of such these few themselves when on the benefit and crisp, plain horse sense rules of etiquette have been framed In traveling by rail or foot, turn to the right on discovering an approaching train. If you wish the train to turn out, give two loud toots and get in between the rails, so that you will not muss up the right of way. Many a nice, new right of way has been ruined by getting a pedestrian tourist. spattered all over its first rigage. On retiring at night on board the train do not leave your tecth in the ice Jd do so it would occasion great confusion in case of wreck. It would also cause much an- noyance and delay during the resurree- tion. Experienced tourists tic a string to their teeth and retain them during the night. If you have been reared in extreme poverty and your mother supported you water tank. If everyone sho until you grew up and married, so that your wife could support you, you will probably sit in four seats at the same time, with your fect extended into the aisle so that you can wipe them off on the other people, while you snore with your mouth open clean to the shoulder blades. If you are prone to drop to sleep and breathe with a low death rattle, like the exhaust of a bathtub, it would be a good plan to tic up your head in a feather bed and insert the whole thing in the linen closet ; of, if you cannot secure that, you might stick it out of the window and get it knocked off against a tunnel. The stockholders of the road might get mad about it, but you could do it in such a way that they wouldn't know whose head it was. In the dining-car, while cating, do not comb your mustache with your fork. By all means, do not comb your mustache with the fork of another. It is better to refrain altogether from combing the mus- tache with a fork while traveling, as the motion of the train might jab the fork into your cye and irritate it. If your dessert is very hot and you do not discover it until you have burned | | GILBERT Entirely Vest-Pocket Different | Silk Hat | = ALL SIZES THE IDEAL HAT for Ailotorin fness wear. Cool, dressy, light. V best quality PURE SILK, si tly geet band. Colors—Black and White Check, Black, Navy . Brown, Light Grey, White. Price $1.50. LADIES HATS to mt EI and fuller crown, $2.25— worth more. (Note-Ties | ch above hata, 1 3.) SAT= | ISEACTION GUARANTEED, 7 ns Down: socents) SAT~ | | GILBERT & COMPANY, + Decatur, Iinois. | Comforts of Home are at your command on this famous ‘‘Overnight Train”’ between New York, or Boston, and Chicago. The service of courteous attendants, including ladies’ maid— the complete seclusion of a private compartment, if you wish— and the refreshing night’s rest over the gradeless ‘‘Water Level Route”’ are features especially appreciated traveling unescorted. Lv. New York 4.00 p.m. 1.30 p.m. 8.55 a.m. Lv. Boston Ar. Chicago “The Most Famous Train in the World’’ the rafters out of the roof of your mouth, do nof utter a wild yell of agony and spill your cotfce over a total stranger, but control yourself, hoping to know more next time. In the morning is a good time to find out how many people have succeeded in getting on the passenger train who ought to be in the stock car. Generally you will find one male and one female. The male goes into the wash room, bathes his worthless carcass from daylight until breakfast time, walk- ing on the fect of any man who tries to wash his face during that time. He Lv. Chicago Ar. Boston Ar. New York 9.25 a.m. by ladies with children, 2.30 p.m. 11.50 a.m. wipes himself on nine different towels, because when he gets home he knows he will have to wipe his face on an old door mat. People who have been reared on hay all their lives generally want to fill themselves full of pie and colic when they travel The female of this same mammal goes into the ladies’ department and remains there until starvation drives her out. Then the real ladies have about thirteen seconds apiece to dress If you never rode in a varnished car before and never expect to again, you will probably » up and down the comicbooks.com