Life, 1912-08-08 · page 36 of 40
Life — August 8, 1912 — page 36: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page combines humor columns with period advertisements. **"The Scientists"** satirizes academic pretension: three professors gain fame and fortune through trivial discoveries—finding a "wart on Mars," discovering microbes on currency, and writing about modern drama. The joke mocks how universities reward scientists for minor findings while underpaying them as faculty. **"The Human Yardstick"** is a brief dialect humor piece playing on racial stereotypes common to early 1900s publications. A tall Black man describes being used as a human measuring stick (six feet tall) to measure carpets because his employer lacked an actual yardstick. The remaining content is advertising for Chiclets gum, Paris Garters (men's hosiery), and Chartreuse liqueur. The Chartreuse ad references a 1911 Supreme Court decision protecting the Monks' exclusive right to use that name for their liqueur.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
SSE ae sig are Garter comfort is the The Scientists | . Professor Amariah Tibbs was att ve — [ONLY thing you buy gar- known to fame Until one day he set about to make hime lters for; you want them |to stay up, to keep your | hose snug, to fit the leg. PARIS GARTERS are made that way; they’re so well made that they last a long time. He got out his old telescope and aimed it at the stars And much to his surprise he found a brand new wart on Mars. No one had seen the thing before, it was. a famous find; The whole world paid its tribute to his scientific mind. Professor Tibbs’ discovery created such a stir A lecture bureau signed him at one hundred dollars per. Professor James Terwillinger long oc- cupied a chair; ‘The one-horse college salary gave him no cash to spare The future seemed quite hopeless to the REALLY DELIGHTFUL scientist until Che Bainty Mint Covered One day he found some microbes on an Candp Coated old one-dollar bill, 25 and 50 cents At any good haberdasher’s Of course the papers got the news and A. Stein & Company No metal can y spread it far and wide, | uch yon Chi Chewing gum And much learned comment editorial be- | ciel ais Makers Chicago ; : side. ~~ ~ — Chiclets are the Te- He trained a troupe of these microbes | finement of chewing and put them on the stage, IN Siidis Sa INS. cay NOW HR eA 1 f And now in high-priced vaudeville he is ever seen, um for people of re- the current rage. The “Modern Drama” stuif went great inement. Served at ste gil BE was im demands F le spoke before the woman's clubs | swagger luncheons, Profesor Alexander Butts knew not the rake peore: the wom i ® pare c's « ity and worshipe teas, dinners, card par- iu-accnetines ‘survekabetdacsly,,latiuox He's quoted as authority and worshiped ties. The only chew- his humble chair. And when he travels now it’s ina hand- 5 " One day he wrote a treatise on “ Wh seine peivaie eae Bis s ing gum that ever Modern Dramas } ‘ ae ea : : —Technological Journal. i received the unqualified sanction of best society. |[/|—— - es oe - eee = ; It’s the peppermint—the |}||: : he di h 2 si he decisi dered by the United States S Look for the Bird Cards in the fal ince the decision rendered by the United States Supreme ; ; packages. You can secure a is Court, it has been decided by the Monks hereafter to bottle Ty i : beautiful Bird Album free. 4 ; v For Saleatall the Better Sort of Stores [4 : 5c. the Ounce and in Sc., n te - 5 1 i0c. and 2Sc. Packets 1X : SEN COMPANY iS (Liqueur Peres Chartreux) : Mecropolltan Tower > Ses || both being identically the same article, under a combination : tn { ¢ - label representing the old and the new labels, and in the old yal style of bottle bearing the Monks’ familiar insignia, as shown * in this advertisement. , =, According to the decision of the U.S. Supreme Court, 2, GIL] handed down by Mr. Justice Hughes on May 2oth, 1911, no —l. 1] Vest-Pi . one but the Carthusian Monks (Peres Chartreux) is entitled TRL | Silk Hi The Human Yardstick to use the word CHARTREUSE as the name or designation (cs $ of a Liqueur, so their victory in the suit against the Cusenier pees: “Golly, but I's tired!" exclaimed tall and thin negro, meeting a short and stout friend on Washington Street. “What you Leen doin’ to get tired?” the other, explained the thin one, draw ing a deep breath, “over to Brother Smith's dey are measurin’ de house for some new carpets, Dey haven't got no yawdstick, and I's just czactly six feet tall. So to oblige Brother Smith, I's Leen a-layin’ down and a-gettin’ up all over deir house.”—Youth's Companion, Company, representing M. Henri Lecouturier, the Liquidator appointed by the French Courts, and his successors, the Compagnie Fermitre de la Grande Chartreuse, is complete. The Carthusian Monks (Péres Chartreux), and they ) 4 ( alone, have the formula or recipe of the secret process em: ployed in the manufacture of the genuine Chartreuse, and have never parted with it. There is no genuine Chartreuse 3 ,, save that made by them at Tarragona, Spain. q THE 1DE iness wear wrocers, Hotels, Cafes. best qualit ‘ew York, - sweat bi pe z F Bluse, Brov ted States 4, ey ) tomatch ; ISFACTIC comicboolite 7 vay oy