Life, 1912-08-08 · page 17 of 40
Life — August 8, 1912 — page 17: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains a satirical sketch titled "Dilemma at the Custom House" about a family debating suicide. The dialogue presents a darkly comic logical trap: they wish to die by "wireless exposure" but discover state law permits only those burdensome to society to commit suicide. Since they're all healthy, the law forbids it—trapping them in life. They resolve by toasting to "Metchnikoff and Kindolin" (likely referencing longevity theories or products of the era) and "the emptiness of unending life." Below this is an unrelated essay, "What is a Doctor?" offering satirical commentary on medical professionals. It ironically praises doctors as selfless figures who should treat poor and rich patients equally—implying contemporary doctors actually did not. The cartoonish illustration depicts multiple figures at a customs house, suggesting bureaucratic entanglement. The satire targets both absurd legal logic and professional hypocrisy common to the period.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
DILEMMA AT THE CUSTOM HOUSE WHO SEARC Steta: You forget, Jack, that we cannot, because it would take some time to do this, and we would be impos- ing a burden upon the State, which under our constitution we no longer have any right to do. No! This is pro- scribed. Jack: True. I had overlooked the conditions. Well then, father and mother-in-law, and Stella, as there is no longer any use in living, Iet us all commit suicide. We . can die by wireless exposure, and no one will miss us. We have seen and done everything and we might as well— He: Jack, you overlook the fact that only those who are a burden to the State can commit suicide. Now, we are all perfectly healthy, and we cannot commit suicide and obey the moral law—and this law we are bound to respect; it is the one thing that we have learned. Jack (sighing): True. I am still somewhat impetuous. (He straightens up and moves over to the decanter of Kindolin, from which he pours out, solemnly, four glasses.) Here folks. Stexta: What is it? 1557 S THE BEARDED LADY? Jack (holding up his glass): A toast He: Come mother! We must drink with Jack. What is the toast, Jack? Jack (as they all hold up their glasses): Here's to Metchnikoff and Kindolin! And here's to the emptiness of unending life. (They all drink and, sinking back, stare at each other blankly.) Curtain. Thomas L. Masson. What is a Doctor ? “A DOCTOR is a man who looks after the health of the community. Naturally, therefore, he is highly re- spected. When a m student has succeeded in grad- uating he is converted into a sacrificial personage who would disdain to do a wrong thing, and especially would he disdain to look upon illness as a source of income. The result is that doctors take quite as much pains with poor patients as with rich. This is as it should be. comicbooks.com