Life — August 8, 1912 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

1556 The Ban SCENE, an ordinary apartment. Two splendidly pre- ( served people, a husband and wife, are discovered.) He (taking a wineglass full of clear, slightly amber colored liquid, and holding it for an instant to the Li before he drinks it): Well! One hundred and forty to- day? Sue (filling another glass from a small decanter and draining it after him): Well! Iam only five years behind you! He: Much good it does both cf us! living is beginning to get on my ner man who first invented it? Metchnikoff? have known better. Sue (irritably): If you feel that way abou the world don’t you stop taking this stuff? He: Um. You don’t suppose I am going to let you get ahead of me, do you? Not much! Why, if I should die first, you'd have the laugh on me. Sue: To be candid with you, that's the only thing that’s keeping me alive. My! I haven't had a really new sensation for twenty-five years. I've seen every kind of a play, read every kind of a book and known every kind of a human being. He: And that isn’t the worst of it, cither. have exhausted everything, and yet we both feel as fresh as daisies. Hello! Here comes our daughter. Stella enters with the baby.) Stetta: Good morning, papa and mamma! By the way, this is my eighty-fifth birthday. What do you think of this little fellow? He was born yesterday morning. He (looking over the new arrival languidly) : He seems all right. Let’s see. This must be your forty-first, Stella. Don’t expect me to take any interest in him. This thing of being a grandfather—well, it used to be good fun, but nothing in it any more. Ss Stella, your babies are all alike. When you get to be a hundred and thirty-five, as I am, the novelty of becoming a mother will vanish. Stetia (bursting into tears): That's what's the matter with me now, dear father and mother. I realized it sud- This perpetual Who was that He ought to why in Here we there’: HOLDING ME BACK, I'D GO OVER N’ OUT OF THAT BLOWHARD” “IP SOMETHING WAS AND LICK THE STUFF! eb TPE = 2 Ceer “srk, TOW DARE you!” denly this morning. I am no longer interested in babies. Dear me, at eighty-five there’s really nothing new. He (abruptly changing the subject): Where's your husband ? Stetta: Here he comes now. (Enter a sprightly, young a i two.) Jack! , father and mother-in-law, how goes the (Throwing himself into a chair.) As for me, [ am tired of living. I've learned everything, along with the rest of you. Why, there’s not even any nonsense to talk about (suddenly perceiving the baby). Um. Is that the last one? What bad taste in you, Stella, to bring him here. I had really forgotten about him. Stetta: He doesn’t matter, does he? Do you remember the time, Jack—about sixty years ago, wasn’t it?—when the first one came, and how he cried? Dear me, now that they have perfected the raising of children, and babies no longer cry, it seems rather a shame, doesn’t it? There's really nothing to do about them except to give them a drop or so of Kindolin every few hours. He: Do you realize that all these things have been said before? Why, Stella, for the last ten babies you have had exactly the same conversation as this has taken place. Bah! Sue: Yes, and you have made exactly the same remark after it was over. Jack: Then why not let us all put an end to this miserable farce of human life? Let us all stop taking this miserable Kindolin, and die of old age! comicboolnee ™