Life, 1912-06-20 · page 19 of 44
Life — June 20, 1912 — page 19: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three satirical pieces: **"The Modern School"** mocks the decline of elegant writing. It laments that editors now demand brevity and abbreviations over "polished periods" and "stylist's elegancies," replacing formal letters with picture postcards and telephone calls. The poem itself uses intentional abbreviations (like "1, and d." for "live and die") to demonstrate this degradation of language. **"Old King Coal"** criticizes coal barons following the recent anthracite strike. Life sardonically notes that a 25-cent-per-ton price increase (worth $15 million annually) is surprisingly *modest* given the miners lost their strike. The piece mocks the coal industry's restraint in exploiting their victory. **"Life's Presidential Candidates"** proposes John A. Dix, Governor of New York, for the 1912 presidency—specifically because he's invisible and inactive. The satire suggests the ideal president is one the public never hears from, making Dix perfect due to his established obscurity. The page reflects Progressive Era concerns: linguistic decline, labor disputes, and political disengagement.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
The Modern School (With obeisance to F. P. A., the k. p. of abbrev't'rs) HE epic poet’s knell has tolled ; Our age no longer fancies Those polished periods of old, The stylist’s clegancies. And social letter writing’s dead, That art of gentle droning ; We've picture postal cards instead, And distance telephoning. And editors, as grim as fate, Cut down your stuff with curses. Their cry is “Boil! Abbreviate (This pome had cightcen verses). Who swims through scas of choicest phrase, Delighting in the splashes, He'll 1, and d.,* devoid of praise, And p. b. t. h.t ashes. Soc. it s. as ite. bt To fill the smallest spacing ; The s. is mightier than the p.§ If used for ink erasing. Burges J. Old King Coal! EFORE the recent anthracite strike we timidly suggested that, no matter what happened, the public would ultimately pay for it. The an- nouncement, therefore, that the price of coal has gone up 25 cents a ton does not strike us with amazement. The really astonishing thing about it * Live and die, + Peace be to bis. Cut It short as‘it can be. GSword . . . pen. PERPETUAL RIGHT OF WAY is that the coal people should have been so modest in their demand. An increase of 25 cents a ton puts about $15,000,000 a year into the pockets of the coal barons. This is the price that we are paying for a strike which was decided against the miners. Life’s Presidential Candidates E beg leave to present the name of Mr. John A. Dix for the Presidency in 1912. For the benefit of those who have never heard of this man, we will say that he is at present the Governor of New York. Tt ought to be apparent to every right thinking man who loves his country that what we need in the Presidency is a man who will take his seat with as little ceremony as possible and then never let the people hear of him again. Mr. Dix has been tried and not found wanting. While we should like to keep him in New York, we do not wish to be selfish about the matter, and so we should be only too glad to pass him on to a larger and more remote field of inactivity. We bespeak for him the combined support of all parties and, judging from the way theater audi- ences act, a campaign with Dixie for the slogan would be a howling success. HIS POPULAR YOUNG WIFE 1S A THING OF BEAUTY ALWAYS A JOY FOREVER? J icbooks.com