Life, 1912-06-20 · page 18 of 44
Life — June 20, 1912 — page 18: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This satirical piece imagines the U.S. Constitution being auctioned off, with **Theodore Roosevelt as auctioneer**. The humor targets Roosevelt's perceived erosion of constitutional limits on executive power during his presidency. The absurdly low bids—reaching only thirty cents, won by "J.P.M." (likely J.P. Morgan, representing wealthy industrialists)—mock the idea that the Constitution has been effectively abandoned or sold to the highest bidder. References to **George Perkins, Thomas Ryan, and Frank Munsey** (Roosevelt associates and financiers) suggest complicity in this "sale." The accompanying cartoon, "A Graduated Tax on Incomes," references recent income tax debates—a progressive policy opposed by the wealthy figures named above. The satire criticizes Roosevelt's "trust-busting" and regulatory expansion as constitutional overreach, sardonically suggesting the nation's founding document is now worthless currency in an era of unchecked corporate and executive power.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Auctioneer’s Sale HE Constitution of the United States was sold at auction yes- terday to the highest bidder; Theo- dore Roosevelt, auctioneer. Announcements had been sent out and the sale largely advertised through the press. There was, therefore, a large crowd in attendance. The sale took place in the Capitol grounds at Washington. The tent was provided by the Barnum & Bailey circus people. The auctioneer was assisted by George Perkins, Thomas Ryan, Frank Munsey and others. The sale began at ten o'clock in the morning and the terms were as follows: Bidder to have absolute ownership, delivery to be made at once. Lawful money only to be received. In accordance with the modern methods of telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, about articles for sale, the auctioneer stated that the Constitution at present was in a damaged condition, having been badly used by the former owners, and it was to be sold “as is.” He said: “Ladies and Gentlemen: This Con- stitution has been put up for the first time in its history. For any young and inexperienced country just start- ing out in business it is an admirable document; in fact, it is practically in- dispensable. While, as stated, it is somewhat damaged, a few years’ work will put it in good condition. How much am I bid?” THE HONEYMOON SPECIAL HAS For some time there was a silence and the auctioneer again continued: “Come, gentlemen; this document has got to be sold. We have no further Make a bid.” responded use for it. One gentleman eleven cents. “T am bid eleven—eleven. Who will make it twelve? Twelve—twelve —I have twelve. Thirteen. Did I hear thirteen? = Thirteen—thirteen. me one says fourteen. Thank you, sir. Fourteen—fourteen.” The auctioneer paused and said: “Gentlemen, this is disgraceful. Only fourteen cents bid for a perfectly good Constitution. Nothing like this has ever been known in history. Why, the parchment itself is worth more than that!” A quiet gentleman named Rocke- feller, sitting over in the corner, doubt- less inspired by patriotic motives, raised the bid to twenty cents. “You hear him,” said the auctioneer, “twenty cents. Now who will make it with twenty-five? Twenty—twenty. Some one says twenty-one. Thank you. Twenty - one — twenty - one. Twenty- two. Going at twenty-two. Did I hear twenty-three? Thank you. Twenty-three—twenty-three.” The auctioneer paused. “If it wasn’t absolutely necessary for me to get rid of this Constitution, he said, “I wouldn’t be a party to this sacrifice. I will——” A quiet voice over in the corner said: “Thirty cents.” “Tam offered thirty. him, gentlemen. Thirty cents. anybody make it thirty-one?” There was no reply. “Thirty—going at thirty. Fair warning. Thirty—thirty. Come now, gentlemen. Going at thirty—thirty— thirty. Last call, gentlemen; and—it is yours, sir, at thirty cents. Name, please?” “JPM” You heard Will A GRADUATED TAX ON INCOMES. comicbooks.com