Life, 1912-05-23 · page 32 of 44
Life — May 23, 1912 — page 32: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several distinct humor pieces typical of Life's satirical format: **"What She Wanted"** presents a marital comedy: a newly married couple overhear a woman tell her husband she wishes for romantic flattery—someone to praise her beauty and declare he cannot live without her. The husband's deadpan response—that she wants "a plain old-fashioned liar"—mocks both romantic sentimentality and marital disillusionment. The joke targets the gap between women's romantic ideals and husbands' skeptical practicality. **"Imparted Valor Even to a Mouse"** is a brief, absurdist anecdote: a drunk hotel guest spills whiskey; a mouse drinks it, becomes emboldened, and cheekily asks where the cat went. The humor relies on personification and the incongruity of a drunk mouse displaying unexpected bravado. **"Not Real"** features a schoolmaster asking about Earth's axis. Johnny's definition—"an imaginary line"—suggests it's literally fictional rather than physically real, playing on the distinction between abstract concepts and material reality. The page is otherwise dominated by advertisements for whiskey, automobile oil, and vacuum cleaners.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
‘THE RAREST OLD WHISKEY MONEY CAN BUY HE Gibson distillation of 1900 is now bein, marketed in one-gallon demijohns, and wil T be boxed and sent direct from our warehouse on order of your eeu to your personal . == SS _ address, prepaid at] ‘en Dollars a gallon, purity and quality guaranteed. Made by the most approved methods, frosfiri , carefully selected rye and atey of the Monongahela valley. bfrels 41864 to 4188 8, numbered What She Wanted Jim Mann was on his way back from Chicago and céuldn’t help hearing the conversation of the couple in the see- tion right behind his, They looked like newly married folk, but were not on their honeymoon, as Mann learned by deduction. The woman laid down a d been reading and said Imparted Valor Even to a Mouse A new arrival strolled into the lobhy of a popular Muskogee hotel a few © ings ago and walked rather unsteadily these affinities. Oh, I think it would be to the desk to register. Turning to fol- just g-r-a-n-d to sit on a rock with some- low the porter to his room, there was a body and have him rave about the in- . 5 crash, and bits of glass and. an amber comparable golden color of my hair and colored liquid spread along the floor. tell_me that my eyes were the most Before a porter could be summoned beautiful in the whole world, and i to mop it up a tiny mouse crept from “Uh, huh,” said the husband, yawning. under the cigar counter and lapped “And that the delicate pink of my Is the highest quality that can greedily at the liquor. Then mounting cheeks had been painted there by the Be produced. “Insist eh the edge of a cuspidor, the mouse cx- jold in check. * angels, and that he couldn't live without claimed : me. O-oh, I think an affinity like that “Where is that cat that was looking would be—" for me last night? "—Kansas City Star “Tisn't an affinity you want,” inter- rupted the husband. “ What you seem to, want is a plain old-fashioned liar.” ‘ational Monthly. One repair bill is many times the amount you can save ina year by using cheap oil. newspaper she to her husband “Do you know, I wish I had one of Caroni Bitters. Have stood the test of time. Firstis 4 Satisfy yourself—we know. | George A. Haws, 69 Pine St., N.Y. Broad St., New York, Gen'l Diss Dealer az Ask for our Help Sell” plan. In a Pinch, use ALLEN’S FOOT-EASE. “Now, boys,” said the schoolma “what i xis of the earth?” ised his hand promptly. “Well, Johnny, how would you de- 3H Spencer Turbine Vacuum Cleaners have been recently chosen for the largest vacuum cleaning installa- scribe it tion in the world—nineteen machines for the General Hospital The Buildings, Cincinnati, Ohio. of the earth,” said Johnny, proudly, “is an imaginary line which = [P= Proven superibrity in efficiency, simplicity and durability of the Spencer Turbine Cleaners, make them logical installations for the great buildings of today and the greater buildings of tomorrow. The mammoth Woolworth Building—tallest in the world— and the Bankers’ Trust, both being erected in New York City, are being equipped with Spencers. Spencer Turbine Cleaners in the basement have pipes running up through the building to cach floor, with hose attachment for cleaning. Machines are made in 12 sizes, from 14 H.-P. t, to 40 H.-P., 16-sweepers capacity—for the prallet residence or the tallest skyscraper. On request a free Catalog and List of Installations will be furnished as references, Spencer Turbine Cleaner Company 630 Capitol Ave., Hartford, Conn, Branch Offices or Selling Agencics in all Principal Cities passes from one pole to the other, and on which the carth revolves.” T “Very good,” exclaimed the teacher. “Now, could you hang clothes on that | line, Johnny? “Yes was the reply. “Ind said the examiner, di pointed. “And what sort of clothes? “Imaginary clothes, sir.” —Harper's Weekly i} time talking and call it fighting for prin- | ciple Emporia Gazette. A creat many people spend all their | GREAT BEAR SPRING WATE UES 50 cents per case of 6 glass stoppere comicbooks.com