Life — May 23, 1912 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

1070 found that we were actually using lovey-dovey expressions at the rate of about two hundred a day, and the total kissing energy, ex- tending over a period of the first six months, was about equal to run- ning a 16-h.p, motor at the rate of thirty-five miles an hour for six hours, Of course this could not be kept up. It wasn't long before I began to crave the mild excite- ment of poker at the club, and to spend most of my time in con- triving expedients to sneak off by myself and forget that I was a married man. Thus an estrange- ment was rapidly taking place. 1 was recommended to your Bureau I now see that a moderate amount of love placed where it will do the most good will last for an indefi- nite period. And under your new treatment my wife and I are living together quite comfortably. With many thanks, yours. sin- cerely, This leads us to confute once for all the criticisms which have recently been passed around about our own personal affairs, in which it has been stated that we don't practise what we preach. We state frankly that we have applied our system to the lady whom we have recently mar- ried and find that in our own home it doesn’t work so well as we expected. This, however, should be nothing against us. No doctor is able to treat himself successfully. We have been married a great many times in our life, not always because we wanted to, but because we realize that “T have enough superfluous love left for several other estimable ladies” She (in garden that once belonged to miser): THAT HOLE IS DEEP ENOUGH FOR THIS PLANT, MY DEAR! this is the only way in which we can keep in touch with our customers; and we wish to state that our present wife by no means suffers in comparison with some of her predecessors. But we cannot undertake to spend more than a few minutes each morning and evening in her presence. ¢ in love with our business, and the responsibility of looking after so many thousands of suffering husbands and uniting them with more or less impossible wives, keeps us pretty well tied down to the bench. Based on the units of energy, which-we have worked out very carefully, we find that the utmost we can do at present is to kiss our wife once every morning and once every evening. If she expects any more marks of our devotion we beg to state that she has no appreciation of the strain under which we find ourselves. Don't wait until your devotion begins to lag, quarrels ensue, your bills are running up, and there is nothing ahead but Reno. We will show you how, by conserving your love, you can make it last for an indefinite period. Call, write or telegraph. Husbands’ Correspondence Bureau. Why Fuss Over a Parcels Post? W E wonder if there is a subtle threat contained in the following clause, which is from the Post-Office Committee’s report to Congress with regard to a parcels post: “We do not think that the advantages claimed for the establishment of this post will be so great as its ultra-friends claim.” We have been under the impression—or shall we say delusion—that up to the present time the express com- comicbooks.com