Life, 1912-05-16 · page 21 of 52
Life — May 16, 1912 — page 21: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three satirical pieces: **"On Mars"**: A joke about a professor studying Earth's canals—likely referencing the then-popular belief in Martian canals, using this as absurdist humor about observing the world from a distance. **"Lawyers"**: A pointed editorial critique arguing that lawyers make poor legislators because they understand *how* to manipulate laws rather than what laws *should* be. The comparison to "a cat chasing its tail" suggests lawyers create circular, self-serving government. **"In the Iron City"**: A poem by William Wallace Whitelock satirizing wealthy industrialists (the "Browns") who hide their origins in pig iron production behind displays of culture, opera attendance, and religious charity. The repeated refrain "they got all their money from 'pig'" mocks their pretense—their wealth comes from unglamorous industrial manufacturing, yet they perform sophistication. **"Would that This Were True"**: A humorous piece about authors' unions proposing to ban clichéd writing tropes (heroes flicking cigarette ash, heroines burying their heads in hands)—lamenting that such restrictions don't actually exist.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
-LIFE- 1021 ON MARS “WHAT ARE YOU STUDYING, PROFESSOR?” “THE WORLD.” “Wow’s THAT LITTLE CANAL COMING ON?” “OH, PRETTY WELL, CONSIDERING THE EXPERIENCE.” Lawyers r is the greatest mistake in the world to put lawyers into Congress and the legislatures under the impression that they will be good lawmakers. Lawyers know com- paratively little of what laws should be. They only know a little about a few of the laws that are. In addition to that, they know the machinery of finding out—and either upholding or evading—any particular law or set of laws in which a client is interested. They begin where Congress and legislatures end. Government by lawyers is com- Parable to a cat chasing its tail. In the Iron City HE Browns are a family of riches, Their home is a storehouse of wealth, They keep a detective—locks are so defective— To sce no one enters by stealth. The public’s admitted on Tuesdays, Free, gratis, it costs not a fig, And if you must know it—I don’t think they show it— They got all their moncy from “ pig.” The Browns are a family of culture, They've read every novel that’s out, While Tolstoi and Ibsen, da Vinci and Gibson, They simply cannot do without. They go to the opera on Thursdays, The mother, they say, wears a wig, And if you inquire regarding their sire, They got all their culture from “pi The Browns are a family of morals, They set an example, indeed; They're great on attendance at church, a dependence In helping to recite the creed. They give very largely to missions That strive to convert the poor nig, And if anybody should hint that they're shoddy, Well, they got their religion from “ pig.” William Wallace Whitelock, Would that This Were True HE principal authors met at Carnegie Hall and formed a union for the sake of publishing a set of rules of writing. As a preliminary, they agreed that after this no hero would be permitted to flick the ashes from his cigarette or cigar. Also that no heroine shall hereafter bury her head in her hands or drop her eyes to the floor. The full set of restrictions will be announced later. adbnene “YES, JAMES. I HAVE JUST GOT BACK FROM MY ANNUAL VISIT TO PITTSBURGH” comicbooks.com