Life — February 29, 1912 — page 30: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

OUR. FOOLISH CONTEMPORARIES MOG a New Schoolboy Howlers Some delightful howlers are given in the “University Correspondent.” The following are selections : There are five continents, a, and u The tides arc caused by the sun draw- ing the water out and the moon draw- ing it in again. A circle is a line which meets its other end without ending. ‘An angle is a triangle with only two sides. St. Andrew is the patent saint of Scot- land. The patent saint of England is Union Jack. An old soldicr is called a vegetarian. A centipede is a French measure of length. The Home Office is where Home Rule is made. A hishop without a diocese is called a suffragist. In the houses of the poor the drains are in a fearful state, and quite unfit for human habitation.—Tit-Bits. =" «i 0, Chaffing Chelly Erner: Maud was talking about you before you came in, What do you sup- pose she said? Cuouty: Really, I haven't an idea. Eritet: Good guess. That's just what she did say—Boston Transcript. 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Established in 1827 JERSEY CITY NEW JERSEY DIXON’S MoTOR GRAPHITE (Pulverized Flake) Tene aa a OS SSS ik Daa ah ee Se ak i ae abe Sos Sh ae HUNTER BALTIMORE RYE WOME EAN NE NNN NEN eves RIPE RICH MELLOW Bold at all Orst-class cafes and by jobbers. WM. LANAHAN & SON, Baltimore, Md. RRMA RAARA AAA A EE RAAT EGON AMAT OTE RCRA INA AA COMMOTION TU watt a SARAH AARARAA LAA AAAA MAGA ARAM TARA Fire-proof, storm-proof, vandal-proof, Eaay to put up oF take down; artistically designed, No wood! Mado in rigid, per- fect joining sections—steel frames covered ‘with heavy corrugated iron. And THE OHIO PORTABLE is guaranteed rust-proof for 50 years! Cheaper than wood. ag Cot spectal Gar Felder iting compas fore ‘aed seeps The Obie Corragated Calvert Ca. baw 6. Middletows, Oba Kindly Advice A colored man was brought before a police judge charged with stealing chickens. He pleaded guilty, and re- ceived sentence, when the judge asked how it was he managed to lift those chickens right under the window of the owner's house when there was a dog in the yard. “Hit wouldn't be of no use, Judge,” said the man, “to try to 'splain dis thing to you all. Ef you was to try it you like as not would get yer hide full 0’ shot an’ get no chicken, nuther. Ef you want to engage in any rascality, Judge, yo" better stick to de bench, whar yo! am familiar."—Zion's A The Disciplinarian There is in our navy a certain rear- admiral, grave, serious-minded, con- scientious, who is an excellent disciplin- arian, But he has had his failures, too. In his younger days he was greatly distressed by the carelessness of his charming wife. She had pinned her silk petticoat in the back until there was % great frayed continued to wear the petticoat, how- place at the band, Caroni Bitters. the field. still Les Oct. C Blache & Have stood the test of time. Satisfy yourseli—we know. 446 First in 8 Broad St., New York, Gen'l Distrs. although her efforts to keep on pinning it at the frayed place always evoked a little storm of irritation and temper. In vain her husband urged her to mend it. Finally he decided that the only way to reform his wife was to fill her with remorse. So this future com- mander of battleships with his own hands ripped off the old frayed band and sewed on a new one. Then he took it to his wife, She was greatly moved, thanked him, kissed him, and left the room. Presently she came back, her arms laden with garments. “Here are a few more for you, dear est,” she said. “ But please don’t hurry about them. Just fix them whenever you have time.” And she put seven petticoats on the chair beside him.—Youth’s Componi A Human Dynamo “Your wife must keep out of all ex- citement.” “Impossible, doctor! She carries it around with her."—Boston Transcript. | Caementium Sales Co. 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