Life — February 15, 1912 — page 35: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“What is your chest measurement?” “ Forty-four.” “ And your expansion?” “Nine inches.” “ Biceps?” “Sixteen. Tell me that you will be mine?” “You will have to wait,” she said quietly, “until I go over the figures. I was offered a commission of five hun- dred dollars if I could get one hundred customers for the new Simboton system of exercise which you have been taking, and up to the present moment I have secured only ninety; when I get the other ten I am to take my pick of the best one. Have patience, Arthur; your measurements are the best yet. Come around in another six months and I will give you your answer.” A Safe Investment Bill Jones was a resident of Balti- more, who, notwithstanding an impedi- ment in his speech, prospered in his business as a broker. He moved to New York City and prospered even more. A friend from Baltimore called on him one day, and, after some familiar conversa- tion, remarked : “T say, Bill, it seems to me that you stutter worse here in New-York than you did in Baltimore.” “Vevevery I-Llikely; it's a b-b-bigger “But I say, Bill, you have made a lot of money here and I want your advice. Kelly- Spring field Mon cte Tires There may be other tires as good, but how can you know which are good? The name, Kelly- Springfield, should save you a lot of experimental tire purchases. KELLY-SPRINGFIELD TIRE CO. | 20 Vesey Street, New York Planch offices in New York, Chicago, Philadelphia, Bestoa, St. Louis, Detroit, Cincini Francisco, ‘ov Angeles, Cleveland, Atlanta. and Akron, Oblo- ‘Seneca Rub! uftalo, N.Y. ‘Hoss Furbber Co. Denver, Col ————————————————————— Overnight between New York, Boston and Chicago 20th Century Limited The train that saves a business day between these cities, in- sures a perfect night’s sleep, and lands you at your destina- tion in the morning, refreshed and “‘fit”’ for the day’s work. Lv. New York 4.00 p.m. Lv. Boston 1.30 p.m. Ar. Chicago 8.55 a.m. “‘Water Level Route’’ —You Can Sleep 2.30 p.m. 11.50 a.m. 9.25 a.m. Ly. Chicago Ar. Boston Ar. New York DR. GIVENS’ SANITARIUM For Nervous anf mild Mental diseases. Has teparte cottages for Alcohol and Drag patients Addie DR. GIVENS, Stamford, Conn. I have sold almost everything I had in Baltimore and I have the cash in’ my pocket. I want you to tell me how to invest my money to the best advantage I have even mortgaged my house and have the money here. What would you advise me to buy for a good, safe in- vestment?” “ Beb-buy the m-m-mortgage,” replied Bill.—Harper’s Magazine. Tue man who likes to hear himself tall always has an appreciative audience. 43 Hiram Explains Hank: I don't understand them ther- imometers. Hiram: It's simple enough. You see, when it gets durn cold the mercury sor- ter huddles together daown in the bot- tom, so’s to keep warm. —Boston Transcript If you marry above your station you will have your wife's relations for mas- ters.—Cleobulus, comicbooks.com