Life — January 4, 1912 — page 86: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“RR ES “ ATwo-Tone Electric Hora 8 | & if alth Complete quipme ‘Sines $25.00—any finish ‘You not only buy a Tuto Horn—two auto horns in one—but you get all the equip ment necessary for installing it. This makes the Tuto Horn the best horn value on the market. The Tuto Horn is the onl; te warning signal. Sacono- It leqatehty aod eanly eperatak Bath ew and lood nee proloced by ext punk Letiea—localed on the steering wheel right wander th thea, ‘Test the Tate for 10 days tree FU oct the Tete Covpen, Tae to your dealer, Ile will pot « Tete Hora oa your ear. If you are not antnGed, return il If there fa'not am secemory eater in yoor btnct, sead the eowpun Lo os, The Dean Electric Co. 242 Taylor Ave., Elyria, Ohio ‘The Duss Elec Ca Birrte, Odses ‘Sead tarwuge or Sealer On the Automobile (Concluded from page 84) came to I told him a child of ten might run the machine, but the child would have to have a very strong stomach. Next, a friend took me out in a base- burning steam vehicle. He had a third man with him, and I sat behind on a sort of broiler arranged over the boiler. The day was warm, and I understood at once why the machine was called a “ steamer.” I felt like the nigger who used to squat on the safety-valve on the Mis- sissippi boats. I amused myself by watching the steam gage and wondering how long it would take me to come down if anything went wrong. The exhaust steam went up my trouser’s leg and I felt like the squid, which scientists say envelops itself in a cloud or fog of its own making in order to conceal itself from its enemies. My friend, mean- while, explained the mechanism, but I told him if I had to become a master mechanic it would pay me better to go and run the Kaiser Wilhelm, The consensus of opinion scemed to be that the gasoline machine was the thing. There was power, simple and direct! It ran by a series of explo- sions, That appealed to me at once That's the way my hotel on Park ave- nue has been run during the past year —by a series of explosions of dynamite by the tunnel people and a series of explosions of profanity on the part of myself and my few remaining boarders. Every auto I thought of buying all my friends assured me was no good, and in the light of subsequent experiences I guess they were right, Finally, on my own responsibility, I bought that lovely lobster-pink creation in which I may be seen ‘most any pleas- ant day now running merrily through the park or street and anon sitting re- posefully while my chauffeur, assisted by the populace, explores the vitals of the machine, looking for trouble. I remember when I was a boy I saw and admired at Barnum’s Muscum a working model of an engine all made of glass, but I never dreamed I should own one, I am getting proud of my machine I think it holds the record for ha traveled fewer miles in a given tii than any other yet devised. My engine will break when stand- ing motionless on the barn floor, sim- ply through the power of gravitation. It 18 operated by a skilled mechanic and costs me as much per month as it would to run the Corsair, But it has one merit. I never wander so far from my own fireside but 1) I can easily walk back. I have worn out six sets of hinges in the hoot peering at the engine to see what is busted. I used to get up and help the chavf- FOR 1912 DON’T ~~ EAT Plain Food DRIN Evans’ Ale LIVE The Happy Life Begin TODAY EVANS’ ALE will & you right—All Deale Cc. H. EVANS’ & SON, HUDSON, N. Y. 8% Some things every motorist ishould know Why his car needs to be overhauled every season, How abnormal wear leads to this expense. ‘What causes abnormal wear, How to prevent it We have prepared a booklet, full of vital facts—which shows the part that granular minor shaft bearings oy in increasing your repair bills and decreasing the and efficiency of your car. ‘The whole question of minor shaft bearings is a plained in a simple, non technical manner, the struc. ture of the different classes of bearing alloys, as shown by the photographic illustrations. tells the story. Before you buy a new ear—before you put 7 ent carn the reper shop for overhauling send Ie this Booklet L. It has dollars and cents value for you. AMERICAN BRONZE COMPANY, Berwyn, Pa. Pe) GRA CEEARIne—SRSEET “Will not metallize the oil” feur to look, until one day when we were both hidden behind the hood a sneak thief carried off my fur robes. Now I just sit back and listen to the jeers of the populace and sigh to think of the happy times gone by when I used to travel on the street-cars and get to my destination on the same day. —From a Few Remarks by Simeon Ford. Copyright 1903 by Doubleday, Page & Co. The Best CuristMas ANNUAL PUNCH ALMANACK ULLof humorous Pictures and better than ever. Sent post free on receipt of 15 cents in postage stamps. @ The weekly copy of “Puncn” for one year, in- clusive of the Almanack, is sent post free for S440. Address: “Puncn” Office, 10 Bouverie Street, London, E.C.