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Life, 1912-01-04 · page 84 of 108

Life — January 4, 1912 — page 84: what you’re looking at

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Life — January 4, 1912 — page 84: Life, 1912-01-04

What you’re looking at

This page contains a **satirical narrative essay about early automobiles** (continued from page 82), alongside period advertisements. ## The Satire The unnamed narrator describes his skeptical encounter with early motorcar technology versus horse-drawn wagons. The humor derives from: - **The automobile's unreliability**: The narrator contrasts his horse-wagon's dependability with the auto's constant breakdowns requiring mechanics to lie "under the auto, doing stunts with spanners." - **The salesman's absurd pitch**: A single-cylinder engine is marketed as superior because a four-cylinder would break down "four times as often"—backwards logic presented deadpan. - **Slapstick mishap**: When demonstrating the "accelerator," the handle spins violently and strikes the salesman in the abdomen—physical comedy emphasizing the machine's unpredictability. The piece gently mocks early automotive enthusiasm and skeptics' reasonable doubts about this emerging technology's practicality compared to established horse transportation. ## Context This reflects the 1910s transitional period when automobiles were luxury items with notorious reliability issues, making horses still competitive for practical transport.

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a barbed wire fence, pluck my wagon from a nearby tree, reconnect them a: proceed on my way rejoicing. Present- ly I would overhaul my friend. He and his chauffeur would be reclining on their backs under the auto, doing stunts with spanners and monkey wrenches. [ would then take my neighbor into my wagon, drive him to the station, and his machine would wait to be towed home by my team. My neighbor argued that the auto was the coming mode of locomotion and that the horse must go. I agreed with the latter proposition. I reminded him that one of my best: horses, bearing his ap- proach, decided that he must go and that I thought he was going yet. I stayed with him awhile, but decided he was too swift a proposition for me to keep company with. I neve: could de- cide whether it is the appearance of the machine, or the smell, or the raiment of the driver that gets onto a horse's nerves, but I reckon it’s the raiment. The spirit- ual description of the lily of the field applies to them pretty well: “ They toil not, neither do they spin, but verily I say unto you that Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.” The first machine I looked at was small, simple and inexpensive. It had but one cylinder. The salesman said that was an advantage. He said a four- cylinder engine would get out of order four times as often. This machine had a handle on the side like a barrel-organ. He showed me how to make it go fast, and slow, and stop, and start, and all while the machine stood in the store. A child of ten years could run it, he said. “Now, if you want to get out of a tight place,” he said, “get a sudden move on—you touch this lever called the accelerator.” He touched it, and with that some- thing went wrong and the handle I have alluded to flew around and smote him violently in the abdomen. When he (Concluded on page 86) There is Greater Value in this Car The infinite care that is deyoted to every detail of Marmon con- struction makes the value in this a. The comfort—the delightful smoothness of operation—shows the superiority of Marmon design, material and construction. The records of the Marmon in years of service as well as in the world’s greatest contests are conclusive proof of better quality. The many refinements—the unceasing effort toward the perfection of every part—the elements that mean life and durability to any mechan- ism—these are the things that make Marmon value. Whether you buy your car from a standpoint of luxury or economy it will pay you to know more of the Marmon. Marmon cars are made on one chassis; five passenger Touring body, four pas senger Suburban, Roadster for two or three passengers, $2750; seven passenger Limousine $4000; Landaulet $4100. Full information and specifications will be sent on request. NORDYKE & MARMON CO. Indianapolis (Established 1851) Indiana SIXTY YEARS OF SUCCESSFUL MANUFACTURING septic powder are a trifle sensitive! about the alzo Of your shoee, it's rome rat faction to know that many people. can shoce a size emaller by shaking Allen's fest Ease Into them, Just the thing for Partien, Patent Leather Sboers and for break ing in New Shoea, When rabb-ra or overebor? become necessary and your shocs pinch. At > len's Foot Ease gives {natant reli TRY IT TO-DAY, Sold everywhere 25c. Do not accept Inybatitute. Sent by mall for29e-in etape FREE TRIAL PACKAGE eent by mall. Manufacturers of America's Finest Flour Milling Machinery On the Automobile (Continued from page 82) town which was early seized with auto- mobiliousness in its most virulent form. One of my immediate neighbors bought a machine of limited capacity for every- thing but noise. Its capacity for noise was unlimited. It was also long on smell. At first the rest of us talked of tar and feathers, Some of us thought that was too mild and that the punish- ment should fit the crime. And while we hesitated we all got the craze, and now we are all tarred with the same stick. This was my daily programme for a time: I would start to drive to the sta- tion. Presently the earth would tremble, my horses would tremble, my coachman would tremble, and I would tremble most of all, and with rumblings and snortings and smells indescribable, my neighbor would dash by. I would then breathe a prayer, disentangle my horses from “ In a pinch, use Address, Feot-Ease.” ALLEN 'S. OLMSTED, Le Roy, N. ¥+ DR. GIVENS’ SANITARIUM For ‘hddre Nervous and mild Mental disease. Hat te cottages for Alcohol and Drugf patients a3 DR. GIVENS, Stamford, Conn, NO FREEZING, UNDERGROUND — GARBAGE RECEIVER 0 LITTER. Qpenn with the foot: cloma itactte Goan and sanitary c, Pold itect from factory. Guaranteed. | Ciroutar fret STEPHENSON: Mie, 40 Tarte Streets Lyn, Ma® NO ODORS.