Life — January 4, 1912 — page 78: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LIFE OUR, FOOLIS H CONTEMPORARIES mole A Vindication They call me cold! A bad and bold Old Bachelor, they say. Alack-a-day ! And likewise woe! They do not know. A woman-hater I, Misogynist, Who say a woman never would be missed! By all the gods of old! Me! Cold! Why, say, If I'd my way To-morrow’s paper’d advertise my bliss In terms like this: “ Married: By Rev. Bishop Jones, Last night at cight, George Henry Bones, To Jennie Dobbs and Maud Ka And Helen Winks, and Polly toc To Mary Barnes and Annie Smith To Florence Green and Fairy Frith, To Birdie Wilkins, Sallie Brothers, And six of seven lovely others.” Me! Cold! Misogynist both bad and bold! Whatever else I am, that’s what I'm not! Great Scott! The truth, if you would know, the rein that checks, In short, is this: I love the whole sweet blooming sex! —Harper’s Bazar. In the Near Future Wire: I see that Mrs. Ketchum has got a divorce. Hun: Confound That means an- other wedding present. —Boston Transcript BEAR THIS FACT IN MIND THE SOFT, MELLOW DELICIOUSNESS OF HUNTER WHISKEY WILL ONLY BE FOUND IN AN ABSOLUTELY PURE, WELL MADE AND MATURED WHISKEY Sed all Seucinne cafes and by fobter Wa. LANATAN & SON, Battery Sd “‘Watchman’’—A Watchword for Pure Whiskey Simultaneously with the birth of a new brand of whiskey—Watchman Whiskey—there was given to the world the Non-refillable bottle. And no two events were ever more timely. In “Watchman” there is represented the acme of the distiller’s art— whiskey whose exquisite mellowness is equalled only by its rare wholesomeness. It comes to you, every drink under seal. "Ye Olde Watchman” Whiskey (In Non-refillable Bottles) At Leading Clubs, Hotels, Cafés, Restaurants, and Dealers A Nutty Name Joseph Evergreen Ryan, of Chicago, has a friend in the priesthood who has a keen sense of humor. The priest told Ryan about a christening at which he officiated a short time ago. The christening party consisted of the proud tather, the baby—a girl—the grandfather and all the rest of the folks. The grandfather stood nearest to the priest during the ceremony “What's the child’s name?" asked the priest of the grandfather at the ap- propriate momert. “T dunno,” the grandfather replied And he turned to the father and whis- pered hoarsely: “ What's its name?” “Hazel,” replied the father. “What?” asked the grandfather. “Hazel,” repeated the father. The grandfather threw up his hands gust. What d’ye think av that?” he asked the priest. “With the calendar av the saints full av gur-rl names—an' him namin’ his after a nut!” —Saturday Evening Post. A Souvenir Otp Gextirsax: Have you any hair the same color as mine? Barner: Do you require it for a wig, sir? Oto Gextieman: No! I want a small piece to give to a lady. —London Opinion. “Groxce,” she asked, “if we were both young and single again would you want me to be your wife?” “Now, my dear,” he absent-mindedly replied, “what's the use of trying 10 start a quarrel just as we have ‘settled down to enjoy a quiet evening?” Chicago Record-Herald. “Ts there any sure of crossing the social chasm ? “Oh, yes; by bridge.” —Baltimore American. | _Caront Bitters—Unexcelled with Lemonade, Soda, Ge Sherry and Whiskey. Indispensable for a perfect | Oct. C, Blache & Co., 78 Broad St., N. ¥., Gen'l Dist