Life, 1912-01-04 · page 66 of 108
Life — January 4, 1912 — page 66: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Life* magazine contains satirical advice columns and cartoons: **"When About to Propose"** offers humorous "don'ts" for men planning marriage proposals—advice against nervous habits (pacing, hand-wringing, staring at her nose) and tactless comments (mentioning weather or cost of living). The satire mocks both male awkwardness and the era's rigid courtship conventions. **"Baffled Chris"** is a clever wordplay piece. Columbus famously stood an egg on end; when asked to prove it's "fresh," he gives up and sails to America instead. The joke satirizes how some accomplishments seem impressive until questioned for practical value. **"Well?"** uses ironic questions about misbehaving children, culminating in the punchline: if your child *doesn't* misbehave this way, "why not? You are his parent and he is living in the United States of America." This mocks American parenting permissiveness and the notion that American children are naturally undisciplined. **"The Next Advance of Aviation"** shows a surgeon grafting bird wings onto a patient—absurdist humor about aviation's rapid development, suggesting increasingly ridiculous "solutions."
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
66 When About to Propose SOME DON'TS ON’'T mention the weather. Don’t select a chair on the other side of the room. If you hold her hand, don't keep swinging it up and down while talking to her as if you were hammer- ing something. Don’t mutter to yourself. Don't begin by saying that you have something on your mind. Don’t be impulsive and try to force her head on your shoulder before the psychological moment. Don't address the window pane. Don't pace the floor. Don't clasp your hands together. Same with your lips. Don't talk between your teeth, Don't take one of her hands in both of yours. Don't keep your eyes fixed persistently on the end of her nose while you are talking. Don't refer even remotely to the cost of living. It is bad taste to imply that love in any sense is bound by natural laws. Don’t pull the braid off the best sofa pillow. Don’t sit for a long time without saying anything. Don't pant. Baffled Chris OLUMBUS deftly stood the egg on end, then waited for the applause. “ That's all right enough,” said the audience, “but show us how to buy a really fresh egg.” Frowning grimly, Colum- bus replaced the egg in his coat pocket and sailed for America. “GREAT SCOTT, MAD NT US OVER. ETTID ALMOST “YES, I KE MY AEROPLAN! P FOR BE CAREFUL! Y-¥-YoU G THAT I'M NOT IN Well? D°&§ your child break into the conversation when you have visitors? Does he leave his clothes lying all over the house? Does he answer you back in the presence of others, and when you tell him to do anything, does he begin to argue the matter with you? Does he eat surreptitious ly between meals, and lie out of it? Does he lay his hands on almost anything he wants to make something out of without asking your per- mission? Does he fall into a pas- sion of desire over some article of clothing that you hesitate about getting for him, and then take a sudden dislike to it and absolutely refuse to wear it? Does he come down late to breakfast? Does he say “Huh”? “Gee!"? And if not, why not? You are his parent and he is living in the United States of America. THE NEXT ADVANCE OF AVIATION TME SIMPLE OPERATION OF GRAFTING WINGS