Life — January 4, 1912 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Discourses of Mrs. Epictetus SECURING A HUSBAND Having decided on the need (want) of a husband and made a wise selection, it becomes necessary to secure (catch) one. Imagine (persuade yourself) that you are beautiful, for what we think we are we seem to others. Go then to the Aliptes (the oiler and rubber) and be mas- saged until your skin is like to satin, Your hair waved, with curled ends that may seem to escape of themselves from the pins, With essences of violet and hyacinth sprinkle your head and jauntily attach (join) puff clusters and curls. And sce to it that they agree in color and are made fast, so that they may not fall at his first touch. For disillusion is love's executioner. Robe yourself in the gown that hangs close without wrinkles and with much lace and ribbon show- ing through, with many small buttons fastening with loops. These things make a man to wonder (guess) and while he guesses without knowing, his heart is easily touched and he will seek to become as a slave who will prove himself an expert hooker-up. And meeting him, do not look him ever in the eye, even though he begs you to do so. Do not look, except quickly, into his coat collar, then down and sideways. Seem to be afraid of him. If he takes (secures) your hand, seck to withdraw it gently (feebly) as though confused. ‘To blush easily at this time is of good effect. Talk foolishly and ask him to ex- plain baseball scores and tell of the games that he plays best. Now the eyes should be opened wide with sighs of miration as he tells of home runs and drop curves that he has made. Request him to tell truly if there is not much risk (danger) in such sports. Tremble much and remark his muscle. In riding in motors and in cable cars take advantage of ail sudden curves and skiddings. Clutch his arm and lean heavily on his shoulder, apologizing much, Tell him you are but a weak woman. For so, often docs a man propose without meaning to do so. Love is not directed by the brain. It is a fever that kindles without reason. Where there is reason (good sense love is not- It is a thrill that proceeds from the finger tips to the mind which it at once controls and becomes a fixed idea (obses- sion). It refuses to depart. It is a joy and yet a turbance. It makes the strong man weak, the serious man merry, in MAY I COUNT UPON GETTING YouR vor, sss TEakE?" “ow! 1 SHAN'T BE OLD ENOUGH TO VOTE FoR TWO YEARS YET.” SRE: To the Denatured Cocktail (Dr. H. W. Wiley bas placed a ban on the Maraschino cherry.—Press Item.) How profitless and flat and stale existence now appears to me. My daily bracer might as well consist of pure, uncolored tea, since that which dwelt with you erstwhile, is gone—your most alluring wile. Now tell us pray, how can we smile, O fasci- nating Cocktail? What boots it that I still may quaff of liq- uors green or ruby red? Your amber fluid’s ruddy sprite has had a swat upon the head. For he who routed benzoate of soda, now would relegate to that same fate Your Maraschino cherry! O. B. RB. the happy man sad, the brave a coward and the coward a lion. Knowing these things proceed tactfully (cattishly) noting his symptoms, whether they are genuine (true). For when he sighs much and makes many vows he is often merely playing a But when he endeavors to hide his interest in you and talks of other girls or says that he does not care for girls at all, then you must be on the alert. Sit then upon the arm of his chair and light his cigar, letting’ the match burn your fingers, for this (before mar- riage) will make him grieve. Afterwards he will think you only clumsy. When he grieves over your hurts, he is easiest (most amenable), u convince him that you are foolish to the verge of imbccility, you will have him landed and in the basket. be sorry for your lack of sense and will wish to give you of his own wisdom. If he comes with a flower in his coat, frown with sad eyes and let your lower lip tremble. Yes, even remove it and trample upon it and he will be pleased. And when he is about have the telephone ring many times and speak in low, gurgling tones, with whisperings, saying when you will be home. And when you return to him say it is the manicure or the dressmaker or the laundress. For this will make him think (wonder) much. Kate Masterson. And when For he wil What Is a Congressman ? A Congressman is a man who is selected to make the laws. Congressmen are the most intelligent and broadminded men that our civilization can produce. Their first thought is for their constituents. They watch the needs of all classes of the community, Their wide knowledge and broad sym- pathy enables them immediately to adjust the laws to new conditions and to decide important public questions with ess and dispat What Is a Magnate ? ate is a most respected and influential man in the This is because he always has the interest of the public at heart. He engages in business for the sole pur- pose of benefitting the community. When he sees a chance to lower the prices of his products he does so. He cares nothing for dividends or interest or rent. He is humble, modest and gentle.