Life — December 21, 1911 — page 32: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Time-Tables I am up in astronomics, and in figures neat and clerical The orbits of the plancts I've reduced to the numerical, The paths of all the comets and other bodies spherical It’s really just as simple be I can figure to a parasang by methods mathemat The rowte of any hoplite who has made a march grammatical, And stopped till “Ho Clearchus ” passed a few remarks emphatical— There's nothing any easier for But a minus logarithm is a model of lucidi The nebular hypothesis, a bit of mere vapidity, Incapat using me a jot of the timidity I feel for railway-folders of the day. Though “Central Time” and “ Eastern Time” mean something, unde- niable, And reading up in place of down is never justifiable And type that’s black and light-faced is essential, still, I'm liable To board a train that goes the other way As to modern railway-folders, I an inability For grasping why the data which I'm secking with agility Are always contradicted and reduced to mere futility By microscopic foot-notes down below For “making close connections” I con- fess an incapacity, Does 50 Years’ Along the Coast on Southern Seas A Delightful Trip on SOUTHERN PACIFIC STEAMSHIPS Between NEW YORK AND NEW ORLEANS Suites, Staterooms, Baths, Promenade Decks. Library and Smoking Rooms. }0 One Way; $70 Round Trip. Choice of One Way Rail. $4 Berths and Meals on ships included. Interesting Literature yours for the asking. L. H. NUTTING, G.P.A., 366, 1158 or 1 Broadway, New York SuRBRuG’s ARCADIA MIXTURE The Tobaccos are all aged. Age improves flavor; adds mildness; prevents biting, the blending, seven diff used, Surbrug's itself—nothing so rich in flavor—so exhilarat- ing in quality. A mild stimulant. At Your Dealers, SEND 10 CENTS for sample which will convince. THE SURBRUG COMPANY 204 Broadway New York Experience In the skillful distittation of Gs) Gs) BALTIMORE Bae) MEAN ANYTHING TO You? 'thas brought this finest product of Maryland's fama distilleries up to the highest standard of periection THE AMERICAN GENTLEMAN'S WHISKEY Sold at all first-class cafes and by jobbers. WM. LANAHAN & SON, Baltimore, Md. * only foster acking in ap parent perspicacity, I never find the thing I want to know. FH. P. in Century Magazine Why They Were There “Tam here, gentlemen,” explained the pickpocket to his fellow prisoners “as the result of a moment of abstrac- And I,”. said the incendiary, “be- cause of an unfortunate habit of mak- ing light of things.” “And I,” said the forger. “on ac- count of a simple desire to make a name for myself.” “ And I.” added the burglar, “ through nothing but taking advantage of an opening which offered in a large mer- cantile establishment.”"—N. York Call. A Hard Job is Billy Hardatit doing these asked Smithers. he's working his son's way said little Binks, —Harper's Weekly. an Jady, with the inevita- flying from her headgear, rushed breathlessly up to a guide in the Vatican, “Can you tell me—have I seen the Panthcon?" she panted. “Surely madame must know that bet- ter than I,” was the astonished reply, which brought another swift question, “Has it a hole in it The admission that it had a hole elicited a quick sigh of gratitude. “Th ke the prod- uct of the Great Ri closing her Baedeker with a ba I reckon I'm through with Italy."—Sporting Times. Caront Bitters—One (1) pony glass before meals. Tonic and Appetizer. No home without, Oct.C. Blache & Co., 78 Broad St. time to } feel comicbooks.com