Life, 1911-12-21 · page 25 of 44
Life — December 21, 1911 — page 25: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a satirical one-act play mocking Italian opera culture and Italian-American stereotypes. The "drama" features Siveni (an Italian nobleman) and Malaria (his wife) who communicate entirely in a nonsensical mishmash of Italian opera titles, food names, and gibberish—"Automobile san francisco," "Pisa lucrezia borgia," "Gorgonzola," "Gondola," etc. The humor targets two audiences: wealthy Americans who pretended to appreciate opera as high culture, and Italian immigrants. The baby, a "prop" rather than a real character, gets dropped and bitten in slapstick fashion. The accompanying article, "Scots Who Collected," sarcastically addresses Scottish philanthropists (Carnegie, Kennedy) who donated large sums to America while Scotland itself remained unpaid by those same benefactors—a jab at nationalist hypocrisy disguised as generosity.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“GoING UPTOWN” An Unnamed Drama BY GABRIEL ANNUNCIATOR (All rights reversed) Dramatis Persone VENT, an Italian nobleman. Malaria, his wife. The Baby, expected to be the prop and stay of their declining years, but at present only a prop. Scene: Malaria’s chamba on the Corso. She is seated in 2 violoncello, singing to the bab; Automobile san francisco, Pisa lucrezia borgia. Olio butta nabisco, Anchovi florida georg He (entering hurriedly): Malaria mia, il trovatore, la traviata, verdi Iconcavello, robinson caruso. Sue (tenderly): Lu docstada, nigga singa. Hui dockerti, ol’ tima. Ile (incredulously) : Goshalmiti! Sue (persuasively): Insomnia, tetrazzini, cavalleria rus- ticana, soo citi, He (lighting a cigar): Henri clé tufa quatta Sue (superciliously) : Fi centa. Cheepanasti He (argumentatively) : Hooli foli, macarti kelli, boylorili- greenccti. Sue (tearfully) : Peta pipa picta pecka pickulpeppa. He (sarcastically) : Chianti, macaroni, santa lucia, Capri sorrento, bologna, fotha juli. Sur (carefully dusting the baby): Keethanprocta, toni pasta. Bradi, erlanga, filadelfia academi. He (excitedly) : Gorgonzola! Sue (reproachfully correcting him): Gondola He (apologetically) : Gondola. Alabama, nu jerzi, indiana, nevada. Sue (nervously dropping the baby) : Hevenstubetsi! He (picking up the child and restoring it to its mother, first biting it to sce if it is ripe): Cristoforo colombo dago. Piano solfeggio sostenuto basso profundo. Eel pie. Sue (offering her lips to be kissed): Mushi Yaffi crazi Hr (magnanimously) : 1 musta forgotta. (Taking her in his arms) : Chopsui. (cURTAIN.) Quinei Kilbi. Scots Who Collected O November first, Ambassador Reid expounded to the members of the Philosophical Institution of Edinburgh the great debt owed by this country to the man from Scot- land. Reports of his speech, so far as they have yet appeared, indicate that he omitted to treat of the efforts of our Scots to collect what was due them. He should not have left out that side, There are some wonderful items that belong in it— A, Carnegie $400,000,000; John S. Kennedy, $70,000,000, and so on, a long and impressive list. We would like to see it in full, and learn whether there will be a balance due the Scots or the contrary. ‘ comicbooks.com