Life, 1911-12-07 · page 98 of 112
Life — December 7, 1911 — page 98: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page features a humorous poem mocking turn-of-the-century weight-loss obsessions. "Maud Muller" (referencing John Greenleaf Whittier's 1856 poem) discovers she's overweight and desperately tries every contemporary remedy: Turkish baths, "banting" (a then-popular diet craze), exercise, Indian clubs, and water restriction. Despite exhausting efforts—steaming, rubbing, walking, climbing hills, paying health professionals—the scales never budge. The satire targets the futility of crash dieting and the absurdity of following fad health trends. The poem's moral is resigned acceptance: "When folks are fat, why, they are fat." The surrounding page contains typical period advertisements (Red Raven aperient water, Evans' Ale, automobile guides) and an anecdote about Irish beggars' politeness, making this a representative satirical magazine page mixing humor, advertising, and light social commentary.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
+ LIFE high balls and highballs one is cheered the other cheers whether you foot the ball or foot the bill you sometimes need RED RAVEN the ideal aperient water clears the head cools the blood keeps you right splits, everywhere 15¢ Inv S and often in Ircland the beggars are instinctively polite. Arch- bishop Whately had a horror of indis- criminate charity, and one day said to a Dublin mendicant: “I never give to a beggar in the street.” hen where would your Grace like me to wait on you?” Some More About Maud Maud Muller on a winter day Got on the scales and took a weigh. Her brows went up, the scales went stood and said: “Oh, Straight to a Turkish bath she ran And cried: “ Reduce me, if you can.” They steamed, they rubbed, they pounded Maud Who felt herself too thick and broad. But when ‘twas donc, they sighed: “No use; Your weight we simply can’t reduce.” She banted then, she lived on grain, But found her dieting in vain. She walked and walked, she climbed the hills, And paid the health professor's bills. She grew as firm and hard as nails, And weighed the same upon the scales. With Indian clubs she sprained her back And broke her mother’s bric-a-brac. She rolled upon her bedroom floor Until her form was bruised and sore. She drank no water with her meals, Yet still she nade dents with her heels. The Cheerful G Giver should give a cheerful gift, one that proves him capable of doing the right thing at the right time. A barrel containing 10 doz. bottles of 1s brimful of good wishes, good cheer and good health, Gladdens the heart of everyone. A Christmas deed that SON, N. ¥. Know Your Car AUDEL'S ANSWERS on "AUTOMOBILES enables you to get more and better service and longer life from yout car, Contains $12 pages of intensely practical, time and money-saving information. Fully indexed for ready reference. 380 illustrations, Written so clearly and simply anyone can undersand tt Todlepensablet0 By ag gy MONEY GEFUNDED 1 if not ot eatistactory, Theo Aude! &Co., 63 Si Ave, HY. ty $1.90 ~ SECURED OR ATENT FEE RETURNED Send sketch for free search of Patent Office Rec How to Obtain a Patent and What tolavent wich list of laventions wanted and prizes offered for inventions sent free. werrised free. VICTOR J. EVANS & CO., Wasbingtoa, D.C. 1060 “A LIST OF GOOD THINGS” A new illustrated guide to chocolates and confections, Seventy kinds of sweets in sealed packages, Costing from five dollars to five cents a package, Sent free, now, to help the choice of Christmas candies. 9 A Fussy Package for Fastidious Folks The chocolates without cream centres — $1.00 the pound, Pink of Perfection Chocolates or Confections, $1.00 the pound-— and other famous assortments. Sold only the lero agency everywhere, of mail postpaid, where we have no agent, on receipt of the retail price, STEPHEN F, WHITMAN & SON, Ise Philadelphia, Pa. Makers of Wiznan’, Instantancous Chocolia She tried cach vain experiment— She jumped, she danced, she bowed, she bent. At last she wept and gave it up And on fat-making foods she'd sup; She said she had concluded that When folks are fat, why, they are fat. Of all sad words heard roundabout The saddest are these: “I’m getting stout.” Wilbur D, Nesbit. comicbookseerd