Life — November 9, 1911 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A Pessimist’s Lament We Cheery of voice, with hair of snow is the Grandma of long Smoothly drawn from a brow se- rene, Of portly figure and kindly mien, Rocking placidly to and fro, Knitting stockings for Jay and Jo? Where is the Grandma we used to know? , for the lies” she used to make! Golden crullers and pies and Sw s and pickles and home made Il (What doesn't she do to-day, in stead !) Biscuits light as the snowy flake, 0, for the joys she could brew and bake! Where are the mlies " she used I peer through the window, Ha! who is that, iding along in a picture hat, ight and slender, with step se free, Tailored and curled to the last de tat-tat-tat, gests a “rat” and wonder. Now, who is 2 youthful swatron or maid But nay: is a Grandma of to-day. No making of dainties at home she knows, To theatre, club and “bridge” she Koes. And does she fritter her time away Knitting stockings for Jo and Jay? Not that you notice it much. Nay! “O, where does the dear old Grand- ma hide? My heart is hungry for her,” I cried In town and country, o’er land and sea, e¢ sought for this curiosity. y I looked, both far and wide, Where'er a gray-haired dame migh bid. “There are no andinas le! LW, -LIFE- 809 NEW WALL STREET {Youn $s GENERAL DEALERS IN Bulls, Bears, Lambs, Lobsters and other Live Stock, $ $ $ $ $ $S OUR PANIC DEPARTMENT Superintended by Seasoned Experts, is for 1911 at the service of a select coterie whose names need not be mentioned. In the past this service has been utilized by some of the biggest cor- porations in the United States and by leading financiers of the world. Ithasneverfailed. $ $ $ $$S$ESESEESS & OUR BOOSTING BUREAU ss2's'=3 eqvany vnavaries success. While strictly private and confidential, it is absolutely reliable. In connection with this is our Emergency Department, manned by such figures as J. P. Morgan, among others. We joint to the year 1907 as proof of the efficiency of the Emergency Department. $ $ $ $ $$ $ $ $s WE TRADE IN Tips, Floods, War Scares, World Monies, Thrones, Empires, Strikes, Legislation, Markets, States- men, Politicians, Governors. Presidents (semi-occaslonally), Cost otiiving,etc. $ $ $S$S$ES$ESES ES ES FS & WEHAVEABSOLUTELY NO CONNECTION »;:"..:": Inter-State Commerce Commission, although our Information Department can always be trusted to supply Statistics beforehand on many subjects. $S OUR PUBLICITY DEPARTMENT sor2's 0" 2 chair of New York newspapers, with branches throughout the world. The Christian Hera‘d is out- sidethisservice. $ $ $$SSSESESESSEESES $S IN ADDITION TO THE ABOVE we do a little business (on Broad Street) occasionally, inthe buying and selling of Bonds and Securities on Commission. This Department is not specially for Insiders: the Public may come in too. & NO GAMBLING ON THE PREMISES | A::re cave time we do not object to Short Selling, Marginal Deals, Futures and ordinary skilled and un- skilled Guessing, known as Speculation. Cash deals not discouraged. EXPERIENCE FOR CASH PANICS PRODUCED PRESIDENTS DISCIPLINED LAMBS TRIMMED TO ORDER THRONES SHAKEN LEGISLATION SECURED (Without Publicity) STRIKES ORGANIZED OR QUELLED CROP REPORTS (any kind) FOR SALE INFLUENCE A SPECIALTY THE FUTURE FORETOLD ) Persessions | WALL STREET | ronsexes nace DEALT IN AND LOST NEW YORK | INA | | World's Sluinps | Extra : WORKMANLIKE. | || NEAR TRINITY CHURCH MANNER | s) But Not Too Near i (NOT FAR FROM QUEER STREET) Convenient to two deep rivers. Kk” USE THE UNDERGROUND: WE DO. ENERAL MANAG: It will cost yy" ay elect me, a million to equip the rolling-stock tician 10 the Mob, with safety app s the Poli ut please lo Recall me.” Rattroap PResipeNt at did it cost for accidents last year? [ is easy to and why About $100,000." should not envy the estate of women, Then I guess we'll continue to take but hard to understand why women 1 chance.” should envy the of man comicbooks.com