Life — October 12, 1911 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

617 -LIFE- Parcels Post Au Graduelle United States to Have Parcels Post at Last—How it Will Be Done— No Hurry" is the Slogan OSTMASTER - GE SRAL cial dispensation secured. HITCHCOCK has at last The next problem in come out in favor of a parcels the parcel’s progress will post, but we need not be alarmed. be to get it across Hud- He assures us that the institution son River. This will be is not to be suddenly inflicted upon difficult, because of the us in all its ugly complete- necessity of crossing a ness. It is to be brought State line, but finally it = CAN ME ELUDED about gradually and insidi- will be accomplished, 2 ously. It is first to be tried provided, of course, that Anthony Comstock exclusively on rural routes. can be eluded, the immigration officials sat- Quite right. We should isfied and the Supreme Court doesn’t declare it uncon- not rush pell mell into such stitutional. a grave matter. It is not We now find the parcel at Pier 23, North River, and certain even that we have from that point the problem is more simple. It is neces- passed the talking stage, but, sary only to arrange the line of march and satisfy the if we have, try it on rural New York traffic policemen. Then after the reviewing routes, say from Brooklyn stands have been built and the patriotic societies have to Flushing. If it should injure these, no matter. On been notified and the President has written his speech, the other hand, if this first effort should be suc- the parade can form, and, with the parcel at cessful, that would be absolute proof that the thing its head, mounted on an appropriate float and would work in cities. Success in cities would prove with the bands playing slow music, it can make beyond peradventure of doubt its way to Washington Square, thence up Fifth that it would work in States and avenue in a northerly direction to the Metro- this in turn would leave no politan Museum, where the parcel, now literally doubt whatsoever that it would covered with flowers by the enthusiastic multi- work in interstates, tude which lined the way, can be tenderly de- Yes. “Gradually” should be posited as an everlasting monument to the effi- our watchword. Mr. Hitch- ciency and enterprise and gradual progressive- cock’s plan may be graphically ness of the Republican Party. outlined as follows: Anything like haste would be unseemly, if not One of these days he expects fatal. We have hesitated so long that a sud- to find in the suburbs, say, of den exertion would more than likely sunder our Hackensack, a poor, forlorn, atrophied constitutions. little parcel which is simply aching to branch out and make its way in the world. He is going to take pity on that parcel. Having investigated it thoroughly, he will so organ the machinery of gov- ernment as to get it safely within the corporate limits of Hackensack. Then he is going to call a congress of the nations of the world to consider ways and means of moving the parcel on to the port of Hoboken. If necessary, the Pope will be called in and a spe- PROVIDED COMSTOCK TRY 1T ON BROOKLYN Ellis O. Jones. EXPECTS TO FIND A POOR, LITTLE PARCEL FORILORN After what has States’ Rights T was natural that the House of Governors at its recent meeting should have had much to say about States’ Rights. It w just the place for it and the only place for it—that dear old hazy abstraction that ‘once oc- cupied so much of the time we devote to political discussion. been said, each Governor can go home and tell his constituents that he fought valiantly for their “ rights.” But now let the matter drop. We already have enough unimportant is- sues without resurrecting that play- thing of orators and quibblers. Let us try to concentrate on something both specific and vital and put this vagary into cold storage for the exclusive use of the House of Governors whenever they may be pleased to meet. We may assume that if a man gets his rights as a citizen of the United States, he will be certain to get his rights as a citizen of any particular one of these United States. comicbooks.com