Life — October 5, 1911 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Natural and Unnatural Aristokrats Natur furnishes all the nobleman we ave She holds the pattent. z no more to do in making a man aktually grater than he iz, than a pekok’s feather i: his hat haz in ak- ing him aktually taller, This iz a hard phakt for some few to learn. This mundane earth iz thik with male and iemail ones who think they are gra bekause their ancestor was luckey in the sope or tobacco trade; and altho the sope haz run out sometime since, they w phool themselves and other folks Sop sa prekfarious bubble. Thare ain't nothing so thin on the nbs az a sope-suds aristokrat. When the world stands in need ov an rat, natur pitches one into it, pers without enny aris nd furnishes him p: aw in the Aristokrasy kant be transmitted — patur—sez so—in the papers. Titles are a plan got up bi hum tew assist nature in promulgating aris- ns tokrasy. Titles ain't ov enny more real use or necessity than dog collars are. I hav scen doy collars that kost dollars on dogs that wan't worth, in enny market, over 87} ate W cents. This iz a of collar grate damage tew to the dog. atur don’t put but one ingredient into her kind ov aristokrasy, and that iz virtew. She wets up the virtew, sur mes, with a little pepper sass, just te ake it livel She sez that all other kinds are false ; and I beleave natur, [wish every man and woman on carth was a bloated aristikrat—bloated with virtew. arthly manufaktured aristokrats are ade principally out ov munny. Forty years ayo it took about 8s a good-sized thousand dollars tew make ¢ his family aristokrat, and innokv with the same disseaze, but it takes now bout Goo thousand tew throw the partys into. fits. Aristokrasy, like all the other bred stuffs, has riz. An American aristokrat jz the ost ridikilus thing in market. They are generally ashamed ov their an- cestors; and, if they hav enny, and live long enuff, they generally h hamed ov their posterity. nilys in Amerika tew liv on their a The money and branes giv out sumtime ago, It iz hard skratchins, for ther Yu kan warm up kold potatose n liv on them, but yu kant warm up aristo- kratik pride and git even a smell. Yung man, set down, and keep still. you will hav plenty ov chances yet to riake a phool ov yureself before you dic Henry W. Sh (“Josh Billings). v cauze tew Woman’s Fight with Dirt Has Always Been An Unequal One Many a woman wears herself out before her time trying to keep her home spotless—simply because up till now she hz perfect of tools to work with. At best, brooms or Carpet sweepers remove not more than 20% % of the dirt and dust. The @ either rema location to some other part of the room., and rugs that causes them to wear out ture and pictures look dingy and ruins balance, 80° simply changes its It is this fine dirt ground into —that makes wall paper, hanging: beautiful belongings long before their time. With ‘RICHMOND: Vacuum Cleaning, all this is changed. Instead of devoting a day out of every week and a week or more out of every year, the work can be done in a few hours now and then—without bother, annoyance or disturbance. ee =| RICHMON STATIONARY ELECTRIC - STEAM - GA ill pay for itself ta trom Ww ith a TRICHMOND™ you clean everything right where it is, with tools specially adapted for 'y onc—moving the tool over the surfaces ed. No more beating rugs; no more tearing-up, y dustless and sunitary. is only one operation—and that an house, for the “RICHMOND” way is absolute With RICHMOND" Vacuum Cleaning, house clean- ing is forever ended. That expense is instantly stopped for all time. 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Pa.t One at Racine, Wis: 0 Chicago, Tike One ae Phitadelpht ‘One at Montreal, © MONTREAL 15F Concord St. Principal Citles 553 .’ VACUUM CLEANING PORTABLE |iReMEerenS ELECTRIC - HAND Collect the Dust - Don't Spread It ee OURS shad the most im- ns where it is or | Bucmonr Vacuum Cleaning embodies the combined Inge- nuity of all the best InventorsofVacuum Kenney Basle No more clouds of dust through the A Truly Portable Suction Cleaner ‘The RICHMONT Portable Suction Cleaner shown in the Wlustration weighs but tea pousds instead of sixty. All that any portable cleaner can do, this obe toes. ‘And it does’ besides some thiags which other portable machine can do. You ean, for ex: Stiple, use this Suction Chesser either with or without the hose, For use with the hose, we “RICHMONT' is and how light and ready. portbis- tome Tt represents a8 great ‘advance ov sieht portable cleaners as There is nothing aphrgms, ne to any electric Lamp socket. to operate, comicbooks.com