Life — August 10, 1911 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

232 Satiety H, I wanted to dwell in the suburbs, To live far away from the town, To be fanned by the breeze, Beneath practical trees, To bask in the sun and grow brown; So I bought me a place truly rural, A house made of gables and view, And I chirped with a smile, “Me for comfort not sty! ns shall come And I planted the ground in the spring- time, Yea, I worked till my muscles were sore, Building trellises, arbors, piazzas— And a pergola shading each door; There were roses, the climbing variety, There were tulips in clustering beds— Pray, believe me, in floral society I was after crowned heads! There were shade trees in lavish abun dance, The kind that one buys ready-made, Rather ragged young shoot Long on boughs, short on roots, And a trifle deficient in shade; There were plants, of the hybrid per- suasion, Things of promise and delicate hue, In profusion to burn— Rustic bench, vase and urn, And of dials a dozen or two! But the things that I planted were sterile, At least they quite failed to appear, And those trellises, arbors and dials Began to look foolish and queer; And those roses of climbing propensity Failed to climb in the sense that they should, Nothing thrived with its normal inten- sity, But the weeds, and they grew like a wood! And the days beeame bleak and oppres: sive, And the nights they grew painful and long, And the katydid’s wheeze In those half-nourished trees Seemed a kind of satirical song; And my friends were so plainly sarcastic, That their comments quite drove me in- sane— And I'm back in the city, And this is my ditty— “Oh, never, no never again!” —Irving Dillon. “EE All Dukes Take Notice! By Registering With the Fashion Reform League, You Can Have a Much Better Selection—What We Are Doing for Ladies of Fifty, or Thereabouts W have just opened a clearing house for dukes and other forei noblemen. We are doing this in response to a popular demand on the part of our atrons. All dukes visiting this country will hereafter be required to register with us, and their time while here will be strictly regulated by our foreign noble- men committee. Inasmuch as all the most exclusive people now belong to this League, it will be useless for any duke or lord to come over here unless he follows our rules. Immediately upon the arrival of any duke or other nobleman a full descrip- tion of him, with photo, ete., is mailed to our list of members. A detailed account of his habits is also appended, including age, weight, financial condition of his estate, ete. 4 Our members who have daughters they wish to marry arc then requested, imme- diately upon reccipt of this information, to forward bids ut once, telling how much money they will be willing to settle on the duke or lord, with description of daughter offered, ete. The duke or lord, or other nobleman, is then turned over to the highest bidde We arrange for everythin & Oba Chena — paper publicity, crowds in sircet follow- ing nobleman, church wedding, with archbishop if necessary, and all sickening details, In connection with this new depart ment we regret to say that this League has been subjected to unpleasant criti- cism on the ground that we are fostering the upper classes and have no regard for the common people This is unjust. We have the interests of the poor people just as much at heart, and in order to prove this we desire to make the announcement that we have just had erected in Lire Park (formerly Central) a large hall which is called Ex- hibition Hall. It will be found just be- yond the old Museum of Art, now used for our main dressmaking establishment. In Exhibition Hall, the side of which is covered by magnificent plate glass windows, our most prominent society leaders have consented to place them- selves on exhibition at stated times dur- ing the week for the benefit of all those poor people who have never seen them. he week's programme will be an- nounced in advance, and the time that cach society leader will be on exhibition will be announced ahead. OUR TWO CORSET EXPERTS REDUCE YOUR FIGURE DY AESTHETIC MEASURES, comicbooks -CO