Life — July 6, 1911 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

How It is Proposed to Supply a Deficiency—The Only Thin: CE upon a time there was a great country filled with trusts and trust- ing people. There was every known kind of trust, save one, There was no money trust From time to time ill-advised reformers and overzealous orators charged tha there was a money trust. There were, to be sure, big financial interests whose very names, even when whispered, struck terror to the sycophantic small fry. But there was no real money trust, no place where the sight-seeing coaches couhl stop and the guides relate salient fea- tures thereof, while free Americans at a dollar per head marveled. As a consequence the interests, the *LIFE= Aldrich’s Big Ban They were embarrassed as efficient geab- bers of the resources of the country. They felt that they had overlooked some- thing. If the charge of the refoi had been true, they would have taken it as a great compliment to their greed as well as to their shrewdne: They realized that something must be done if they were to have the game well as the name. They conferred. They cogitated. They bethought them- selves. They consulted their They peered furtively into the United States Treasury. It commenced to look feasible. “Ii,” they said, “we could only find a per- fectly plutocratic political person to put No sooner ners, as k We Need Now is a Money Trust mind the perfectly popped into their anxious When they consulted plutocratic Senator, they found him agreeable. It can be done he “If the public will but sleep a little longer, I can get a perpetual franchise to the public treasury. All of y bankers can then move in bag and bag- ge.” He explained it to them at greater length and it looked so good to them they all set to work at once and began to pack their belongings prepara- tory to to their new domicile. (This story is to be continued here and there throughout the country during the summer and fall, When Congress said, good moving financial it bankers, the politicians and the patriotic grafters were embarrassed; not finan- cially embarrassed, however, for they still were on good terms with Bradstreet. had th perfectly than the started on plutocratic of name it through, it can be done.’ opens, it may grow more interesting, and, if the public is sufficiently alive, its ending might surprise the aforesaid per- fectly plutocratie political person.) their hunt for a political person Senator Aldrich WE CAN TELL YOU JUST WHAT YOUR WIFE IS DOING ment—all these things are what count in the long run. Our former marital friend—we force ourselves to speak of her in this magnanimous manner—forgets that we, 100, in- variably have the interest of every wife at heart. Even while we temporarily lead her husband away from her, we watch her and treat her silently, knowing that it is best for her interest that for a few weeks or months, maybe, he should be placed under the charge of our tall, handsome blonde. This bureau is, in effect, a wives’ as well as a husbands’ bu- reat. Instead of being an enemy to all women, as some peo- ple think, we are doing all we can for them. And we are happy to say that, at rare intervals, some woman is big and broad enough to understand fully just what grand work we are doing. It is letters like the following that touch us the most: Dear Sir: ; . i you permit a former critic to spologize to you for an unjust though! u do not know me, but my husband some time ago, unknown to me, placed himself ‘undee your treatment. For years we had been steadily drawing apart. Te was a quiet, thoughtful man—immersed in his own occuvation, in which he continued to grow more absorbed; while I, on my part, feeling the netd of life and gaicty, occupied myself with outside interests, One day (as I now know by your advice) he went out to a poker party; then he paid you nd was gone for weeks. interval he nt to your Paris branch. tell you what I did in the interval, he éame back he was another man. his part, confessed to me that he Now we are permanently congenial. I believe during th Needless for me to I almost went mad. But when I forgave him, while he, on had become a confirmed idler. And you did it all! Not all cases are like this. Sometimes we have to re- strain the husband and point out to him the error of his ways. It all depends on the individual case. Meanwhile, summer is coming, and we call attention to the fact that this year our programme has never been equaled. Is your wife getting uneasy and docs she want to go away to some expensive place and spend all of your money in riot- ous living? Communicate with us at once. Do you, on your part, wish to obtain a few weeks much needed rest? We will mail, on receipt of price, our list of summer resorts to any address, provided the writer is one of our regular customers. We have also decided to open a summer branch in all of our principal cities for the use of husbands whose wives will be away. Each branch will be fitted out with every possible convenience—shower baths, poker rooms, vaudeville perfo ances, etc. And in addition to this, we have established a complete detective service, which covers the whole country, MER MUSBAND 18 NOT LOSING ANY SLEEP OVER IT 4 fay comicbooks.com