Life, 1911-06-29 · page 39 of 45
Life — June 29, 1911 — page 39: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
The centerpiece is a satirical poem titled "All Things to All Men," personifying Death as speaking in the professional jargon of various occupations—an umpire calling "Out!", a barber saying "Next!", a banker declaring "No funds!", a telegraph operator ticking "Thirty!", and so on through dozens of professions (lawyer, surgeon, conductor, elevator boy, etc.). The satire's point: Death is the ultimate leveler, the one universal experience cutting across all social classes and professions. Each line plays on how Death uses the characteristic language of that profession, making the concept both darkly comic and philosophically pointed—no matter your job or status, Death will eventually "call" you in your own professional vocabulary. The page also includes advertisements (Vogue magazine, liqueur) and a brief anecdote mocking Representative Longworth for claiming to lack resources while being in Congress. The overall tone is typical of Life magazine's early 20th-century satirical style: witty, socially observant, and gently darkly humorous about mortality and human pretense.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
ETRE All Things to All Men “ Out!” decided Death, the great Um- pire Next!” called Death, the great Bar- ber. “No funds!” noted Death, the great Receiving Teller. “Thirty!” ticked Death, the great Telegraph Operator. “Home!” said Death, the great Foot- man. “Ring down!” signalled Death, the great Stage Manager. “Garnisheed!” gasped Death, the great Creditor. “Pil” exclaimed Death, the great Compositor. “ Accept service!” demanded Death, the great Process Server. “Move on!” ordered Death, the great Policeman. One Hour With VOGUE Stymied!" chuckled Death, the is equal to a day spent with the best in- great Golfer. formed woman of your acquaintance. big Kit "blue penciled Death, the The fashion news in VOGUE represents Sree” ced Beaks ane Ge the combined judgment of Paquin, Worth, Dice | SRR cates he: Urea Redfern, Doucet, Drecoll and every other penl ee great modiste of Paris and New York. Grand Slam!” claimed Death, the . great Bridge Expert. The society news and photographs make a graphic history of the most important events at home and abroad. Published twice a month “ Tickets!" sang out Death, the great Conductor. “Rock the boat!” yelled Death, the great Fool. Subscription 84 a year “Fall out!" commanded Death, the Single copie conte great General. “All bets off!” whispered Death, the VOGUE, 443 Fourth Ave., New York great Bookmaker. “The operation is a success!” an- nounced Death, the great Surgeon. “Foreclose!” insisted Death, the great Law; Crane “House dark!" gave out Death, the and Longworth.’s Vulnerable Spot An Ohio farmer who wrote that he p lively!” roared Death, the owned nine cows and asked Representa- great Subway Guard tive Longworth to send him a Govern- “Going, going, gone!" shrilled Death, “Sorry, but I, too, am in quest of “Going down!” piped Death, the tA . York Sun, “Tcall!” chipped in Death, the great the same thing. I have no cows, but I great Elevator Boy. Poker Player. | i CHICAGO Nedansg ment exterminator for flies will receive have a bald head. Sometimes I wish I Eat ‘em alive!" bellowed Death, — SS = NEWYORK - DETROIT | For Centuries | —————— the great Auctioneer. , the following reply in due course of the “Draw your fires!" cautioned Death, NS. mails: the great Engineer. Ss | were a cow instead of a Congressman.” the great Barker. Known as Chartreuse “Amen intoned Death, the great Liqueur Peres @@ CS ee the great Playmate. R, Chartreux af saan BE eon “What is her alibi?” THE GRAND FINALE TO TH? WORLD'S BEST DINNERS She says that she can prove that at the time the crime was committed her At first-class Wine Merchants, Grocers, Hotels, Cafés. = i ing air.” Fatclass Wine Marchants, Grocers, Hotels, Ct ; little girl was brushing her hair.” Sole Agents for United States “That proves an alibi for her hair, but how about herself."—Houston Post. —GREEN AND YELLOW— comicbooks.com