Life, 1911-06-22 · page 42 of 44
Life — June 22, 1911 — page 42: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is primarily a **table of contents/advertising page** for the July issue of Scribner's magazine, not a political cartoon page. The small humorous anecdotes scattered throughout represent typical early-20th-century joke content: - **"A Bad Witness"**: A Scottish boy, called to testify against his father, deliberately gives absurdly elaborate directions to a pump rather than answer the judge's questions—a joke about evasion and wit. - **"Comparative Speeds"**: A waiter compares watching zoo tortoises to the diner's slow eating—simple observational humor. - **"No Help"**: A traveling man asks a North Dakota hotel clerk when summer arrives; the clerk admits he's only been there eleven months—humor about the region's harsh climate and short employment. The page emphasizes Scribner's literary content, featuring articles by historian James Ford Rhodes and stories by authors Mary R.S. Andrews and F. Hopkinson Smith. There are also period product advertisements (White Rock water, Hartshorn Shade Rollers). No significant political satire is present on this page.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“ARSE A Bad Witness A small Scottish boy was summoned to give evidence against his father, who was accused of ma ig disturbances on the street. Said the magistrate to him: “Come, my wee mon, speak the truth and let us know all ye ken about this affair.” “Weel, sir,” said the lad, “d’ye ken Inverness Street?” “T do, laddies” replied his worship. “ Weel, ye gang along it, and turn into the square, and cross the square—" “Yes, yes,” said the judge, encourag- ingly. “ ‘An’ when ye gang across the square ye turn to the right, and up into High Street, an’ keep on up High Street till ye come to a pump.” “Quite right, my lad; proceed,” said his worship. “I know the old pump , with the most infantile simplicity, “ye may gang an’ pump it, for ye'll no pump me.”—/deas. Comparative: Speeds “ Waiter.” you ever been to the Zoo?” vhy do you ask?” just thinking how thrilling you'd find it to sit and watch the tor- toises whizz by."—The Tattler. .| Love HARTSHORN ‘ SHADE ROLLERS Bear the script name of Stewart Hartshorn on label. Get “Improved,” no tacks required. Wood Rollers Tin Rollers No Help A St. Louis traveling man, making hi first trip through North Dakota, wok« up one May morning to find the ground white with snow. “For heaven's sake,” he askea the hotel clerk disgustedly, “when do you have summer out in this God-forsaken country?” “T don't know,” replied the clerk, “I have only been here eleven months. —Success Magazine. A sMatt sporting printer once said: “Shakespeare? D'you know until last night Td never read any of that feller’s stuff. But they talked me into it, and, after I got home and had me supper, I waded through ‘ The Rape of Lucrece.’” “Well, and what did you think of ie?” “Oh, padded to death! I could have got it al! in in a stickful!” —Sporting Times General Frederick Funston will continue the story of his PhilippineExperiences with an account of the fighting before Caloocan and Its Trenches. It has all of the qualities of vivid romance The eminent historian, James Ford Rhodes, contributes an article about The Great Railroad Riots of 1877 Recollections, Grave and Gay. wher final chapters Mrs. Burton Harrison recalls the charming social life of New York in the seventies Mary R. S. Andrews, author of “ The Perfect Tribute,” will be represented by a college story The Courage of the Commonplace that will stir the blood of both young and old The Charm of Rivers By Walter Prichard Eaton Illustrated Another remarkable story The Wine of Violence By Katharine Fullerton Gerould Author of “ Vain Oblations” F. Hopkinson Smith’s beautiful story of the old South Kennedy Square TWENTY-FIVE CENTS A NUMER and Rheumatism By Carter Goodloe THREE DOLLARS A YEAR CHARLES SCRIBNER’S SONS comicbooks.com