Life, 1911-05-11 · page 11 of 44
Life — May 11, 1911 — page 11: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three distinct sections: **"Vermont" article** critiques the state's economic stagnation despite its natural beauty, noting agriculture's decline and suggesting industrial development (water power, factories) as solutions. **"Delusions of the Wool Men"** satirizes the wool industry's lobbying for protective tariffs (Schedule K), arguing manufacturers use high wages as justification while actually seeking profit protection. The piece ridicules their hypocrisy about supporting workers. **"The Human Cook Book"** presents three caricatured character types: "The Vaudvillain" (entertainer), "Telephone Operator," and "The Chauffeur"—satirizing contemporary social stereotypes through exaggerated physical caricatures and brief, mocking descriptions of their supposed traits and speech patterns. These appear to be social commentary on working-class occupations.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
TIRE TROUBLE Vermont F all the States the stand-pattest is Vermont. Her ten largest towns that have more than five thousand peo- ple each have grown enough in the last ten years to contrive an increase of population for the whole State of al- most four per cent., but her country dis- tricts lose nearly as much as the cities gain. Her people came of stock as good as started in any State in the Union and they have been very slightly ex- posed to mixtures, but her 356,000 of population remains almost stationary. The trouble is, if it is a trouble, that THE VAUDEVILLAIN The brain of a beetle, the wit of a pug. Some wife jokes—oh, you know the kind. Add slapstick and seltzer and grease paint and gall— You'll like it—it’s swell, but refined! it is not easy enough to get rich in Ver- mont. Agriculture: is the main indus- try, and the soil is reluctant and has nothing more valuable under it than marble. It is suggested that the State has plenty of undeveloped water power and might be colonized by Connecticut Yan- kees and made to hum with factories. But why not keep Vermont for an asylum for more or less prosperous and weary people? Here is a State saved from all the disgusts that the papers record. It has no Pittsburg; it has few labor troubles, few moncy wrangles, 927 few social problems. Its scenery is beautiful, its climate is invigorating, its cemeteries are commodious and re- poseful. There is enough of it to xo round among the people who live ir i Vermont is all right; the trouble is with people. They insist upon being exposed to the distractions of active life and the solicitations and risks of gain- ful industry Delusions of the Wool Men HAT any intelligent reader rests any weight on their ex parte dec- Jarations about what will happen when Schedule K gets the axe; That it is the duty and high privilege of all the citizens to pay a considerable tax for the benefit of the woolen manu- facturers ; That there is anybody left who is fool enough to believe that the purpose of maintaining Schedule K is to pay high wages to the employces of woolen fac- tories ; That Schedule K benefits woolen man- ufacture as a business in the United States, except by enabling stupid man- ufacturers to avoid the competition of clever ones and make profits that their abilities do not qualify them to earn; That the people of the country would not rather have woolens on their backs than woolen manisfacturers. TELEPHONE OPERATOR To a fearful and wonderful rolling of “F's,” ‘And a voice cold as thirty below, Add a dash of red pepper, some ginger and sass, If you leave out the “o" in “hello! THE CHAUFFEUR Mix a peck grease, ‘lavor once a week with thirty bones, off your motor and run the car your. of ignorance with fifty pounds of self, Let your chauffeur cut the lawn for Neigh: por Jones. comicbooks,com