Life — April 13, 1911 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

= HAVE A GOOD LAUGH Our JUMP CIGAR CASE is a fun producer Ofer your friend a cigar. press the button] and the cigar Jomps out bye feet in the alr} hrest Jove ia years. Sead. Ze stumps or corn fora Jump Cigar Case asd our be eat alogue No. 2 of ober jokes, tricks and Rove ties games and home amarements, pp THE NEW YORK NEWS CO. & Dept. 15 15 Warren 8t., New York| The Opposite Sex They are called the opposite sex be- cause whatever your ideas may be theirs are exactly the opposite. The opposite sex may be divided into two classes, some class and no class at all. The opposite sex is com- posed of women and ladies. Women make an honest living, but ladies play bridge. When you read in an obitu- ary the last words of a certain mar- ried man you may brand the article as alie. A married man can never have the last word. To be prominent members of the opposite sex you must qualify as fol- lows: First—You must be able to reach your hands behind your back about two inches higher than is possible, clutch a button the size of a pin head and force it through a microscopic button hole. Sccond—You must forget that you ever had a mind whenever you are thrown in contact with other equally * prominent members of the opposite sex. | DapIe PARIS GARTERS on every Garter 25-50% ASTEINS Co Mokes 508 Center Ave. CHICAGO U.S.A. Victor III $40 Other styles / $100 $290 fee advantages of the The patented Victor "'goose-neck” ‘The patented Victor “roose-neck™ tone-arm in playing position, tone-arm when not in usc. | “What makes the Victor tone so sweet, clear and natural, and of such | splendid volume?” people ask as they become captivated by the unequaled Victor tone-quality. | The “goose-neck” construction of the tone-arm is largely responsible. A little thing in itself, but a great big thing in what it accomplishes. It puts the weight of the sound-box in the proper place and at the proper angle to get the best results from every record. Its flexibility enables the reproducing point to follow the lines of the sound- waves so closely that every detail is reproduced with absolute fidelity. And besides improving the tone, the “goose-neck” adds to the convenience of using the Victor. This exclusive patented “goose-neck” is only one of the many valuable features that help to make the Victor the world’s greatest musical instrument. If you have never heard a Victor of the present day, go to the nearest Victor dealer's and hear it. You'll be astonished at the height of perfection it has reached in recent years. And be sure to hear the Victor-Victrola Victor Talking Machine Co., Camden, N.J., U.S.A. Berliner Gramophone Co, Montreal, Canadian ‘Disuibstors To get best results, use only Victor Needles on Victor Records New Victor Records are on sale at all dealers on the 28th of each month Third—You must commit to memory ‘A secret and a member of the op- such phrases as “ How lovely,” “ Per- posite sex are soon parted. fectly dear,” “ Perfectly wonderful,” —Purple Cow. “So glad you could come,” “So glad to have seen you,” so that you may be “Te Yok Uae Taclag “automobile able to uphold your end of the con- twenty minutes to pass this house.” versation in a satisfactory manner. “ Impossible!” Fourth—You must have enough of “Fact. I could hear it ten minutes a constitution to be able to wear suede before it got here and I could smell it pumps and silk stockings in March. ten minutes after it passed.”—Toledo Blade. 728 comicbooks.com