Life — March 30, 1911 — page 27: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Ola LITHELY beautiful was Ola; She could play the pianola, Listen to the big victrola, Cook meals by a kitchenola, Get hats from a millinola, Dresses from a modistola, Learned things from a tutorola, Danced as per a terpsichola, Won games on a bridgewhistola, Motored in an automola, Played golf with a linkerola, Thought thoughts with a menta- lola, Wrote things with a chirog- rola— But, alas, unhappy Ola Couldn't find a husbandola! “THE WOMAN TEMPTED ME AND I DID EAT.” People | Would Rather Not Know By A. Bioopcoop Damrrr WOULD rather not know Oscar Hammerstein, He has been associating with prima donnas so long that he has undoubtedly rubbed off much of their temperaments. Now, is there anything worse than a trans- ferred artistic temperament? Yes, the original one. But even thus transferred once, it is bad enough. I shouldn't know what to say to Oscar Hammerstein. I should have an un- comfortable fecling that he would ex- pect me to congratulate him upon something—possibly upon himself. If not that, he would expect me to talk about himself. But I do not want to talk about Oscar Hammerstein. Why should I want to talk about Oscar Hammerstein, when I can talk about Oscar Strauss or Oscar Wilde or Oscar sauce? Never! By not knowing him, not only do I not have to talk about him, but I do not have even to think of him. I am not even thinking of him now as I write this. A, Bloodgood Damper I DO not care to know Mr. George Gould, because I have never been able to discover that anything which he has ever done would be likely to develop within him the kind of thing that would interest and amuse me. Not that this is anything against him—it just merely happens that he has been unfortunate in this respect and it is too late for him now to begin all over again just for my sake. NOW absolutely nothing about Mrs. Humphrey Ward. I have never read one of her books and have never read anything about her—how she lives, docs her work or cats and sleeps. All I know is that she is an English novelist who writes books that sell and that have a considerable reputa- tion. If I knew her I should first have to find out about her, Lecause there would be nothing in common between us un- less-I could compliment her upon what she had done, or at least show some knowledge and appreciation of her work. To do this I would have to give up the time I am now spending in reading the daily papers. Frankly speaking, I do not dare run the risk, It might turn out all right in the end, but life is short and time is fleeting. WOULD rather not know Emperor William of Germany, because he never would be able to forget that he is an Emperor. He has been at it so long now that this would be impossible, and so far as he is a man, why there are other men with whom I am quite sure I could pass time more profit- ably. “He is, as a man, a poor artist, a poor writer, he has bad taste, and in the bargain, a poor sportsman. Why then, should I know n? DO not sce that anything would be gained by my know- ing Joe Cannon. Under ordinary circumstances, this might be a good reason for knowing him, provided the things I could obtain from him were interesting, if worth- less for practical purposes. But I have a very distinct feeling that even the worthless things that Joe Cannon might impart to me would be uninteresting, not nec- essarily because they would be reprehensible, but because they would not be founded upon any principle of art. Mr. Cannon is undoubtedly a certain kind of artist in politics, but I am not interested in politics and he is too much a part of them to be anything clse that is really worth while. I say this with a perfect appreciation of the fact that I may be doing him an injustice, and yet I do not care, and I do not believe that he docs either. comicbooks.com