Life — March 23, 1911 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

~LIPE* A Happy Solution HY should I,” exclaimed Mr. Abscom, “ just be- cause a number of other people have determined to do things in a partitular man- ner, be bound down to rules? I am a free man. I shall hereafter do as I please. Unfortunately for Mr. Abscom, he was a married man—which possibly made it all the harder for him to carry out his individual program—but he de- termined to keep at it. “Hereafter,” he announced to his wife, on the first morning, “I shall cat my meals as I please, and they shall con- sist of just what I please; moreover, I shall not do my resting as most people do; but I shall evolve a schedule of my own—one that shall serve my needs best.” Mrs. Abscom, being a more or less re- signed woman, permitted him to carry out his idea without too much criticism, albeit inwardly she resented any change. That night Mr. Abscom read until three o'clock in the morning. He then ate an apple and took a piece of bread and butter. He slept until ten o'clock. On his way to the office he took a cup of coffee. He was the only man sitting at the restau- rant counter when this happened. “T will arrive at the office late every morning—or what you are pleased to consider late,” he said to his head clerk, “and I will stay late. He worked on steadily until he was hungry, which was about three. Then he went out and got a square meal—although he had to wait to have it cooked—and returning, worked until nine, All the clerks went home at the usual time. The next morning Mr. Abscom an- nounced to his wife that thenceforth he would eat no meals sitting down at a table. “Ty's a ridiculous custom,” he as- serted. “The animals don't do it. Im- agine a lot of dogs gathering solemnly every day at noon around a long board. I shall forage for my food, eating when I please. I shall snatch a bite every now and then, so make no account of me. I need no one to wait upon me.” After he had been at this a week, try- ing experiments with himself, Mr. Ab- scom awoke one morning to a new sen- sation. He discovered that he was look- ing at everything in a totally different manner from what he had done hefore. One of his habits, for example, had been to read a morning paper. “Why should I read a paper at all?” he suddenly asked himself.“ Why should I interest myself in news? What is news anyway? It is only a record of the same old things that happen over and over again. It is true that the set- ting varies slightly. Murders, for ex- ample, are not all committed in the same manner, but they are all due to a few So with politics; once learn the motive power behind them, and the superficial details are unimportant.” Mr. Abscom, therefore, cut out the papers, and interested himself in litera- ture, This led to strange results. Instead of reading a book that was written Ly a standard author, or a motives, upon doing a certain thing in a certain manner, because on the whole this is per- haps the best way for the majority. 1 don't dispute that. I am not quarreling with the majority, which can do as it pleases, But why shouldn't I think for myself and create an individual standard of living which is better for me individ- ually than it is for a lot of people?” The next day Mr. Abscom went with- out any collar and cravat. In place of his ordinary sack suit, he had a garment made to order that, after considerable thought, was designed to give him the most comfort, It was modelled some- what after the Roman toga. He was followed to the railroad sta- tion by a crowd. In fact, the papers had gotten hold of his extraordinary story, and he was rapidly becoming a notorious HE WAS FOLLOWED TO THE RAILROAD STATION classic — such, for example, as Shake- speare’s Hamlet—he selected a book that he found on a sccond-hand book stand, and which nobody had ever heard of be- fore. Mr. Ahscom read it through and liked it so much that he read it through again This was, of course, something unheard of, and Mr. Abscom thoroughly enjoyed the sensation. Then he read it a third time. At the end of a month, it began to leak out that there was something quecr about Mr. Abscom. The neighbors be- gan to talk about him, and his wife re- ferred to the matter rather appealingly “Everybody thinks you've gone crazy,” she expostulated mildly. “What of it?” said Abscom. “ For the first time in my life I am leading a perfectly natural existence. I am actu- ally thinking for myself, and working out a plan of life which pleases me best. The majority of people have determined figure; but as he did not read them, this did not disturb bim. One day, however, his chief clerk ap- proached him with a solemn aspect, and said that his line of credit had been re- fused by every one of the houses they were formerly doing business with. “This means ruin,” he said. “ T know it,” said Abscom. “ Naturally they distrust a man who has suddenly thrown custom to the winds. Well, [ am tired of this business anyway. I have enough moncy to live on. I sball turn the place over to you. Then he went home, drew up a state- ment of his affairs, discovered how much money he had, and divided it into four parts, one for himself, one for his wife, and one for each of his two children. The next day, accompanied by his at- torney, he called them all into the room with him, and formally gave them each a fourth of his property “T shall want you each to do exactly comicbooks.com