Life, 1911-02-16 · page 32 of 44
Life — February 16, 1911 — page 32: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three separate humorous pieces satirizing early 20th-century American life: **"At the Auto Show"** (center): A poem mocking automotive enthusiasm. A farmer named Hezekiah Brown poses as a wealthy expert, confidently lecturing about cars—carburetors, ignition, magnetos—despite owning only a forty-acre farm thirty miles from town. The satire targets pretentious posturing and the way new technology (automobiles) inspired people to adopt false expertise and airs above their actual station. **"An Accidental Omission"** (lower center): A brief satirical dialogue where a cynic claims no woman is suitable for marriage except those of "medium size." When pressed, he claims to have forgotten this criterion entirely—a joke about men's contradictory, changing standards regarding women. **"Classical"** (right): Legal satire about a young Arkansas lawyer who pedantically references classical names (Romulus, Euripides, Socrates) to impress jurors, only to be mocked by opposing counsel for knowing classical references but not Arkansas law. The page also includes advertisements for investment firms and consumer products typical of the era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
:LIFE- The Sterling Debenture Corporation is a medium through which the in- dividual investor may participate in the profits and share in the ownership of American enterprises upon the same proportionate basis as that enjoyed by every other owner. The methods we employ do not per- mit of the absorption of profits or the retention of control by any syndi- cate or individual. In our list this month you will find opportunities for the profitable em- ployment of your capital in the develop- ment of several interesting American Industries. Through our Bank Stocks Depart- ment we offer shares in a small number of prosperous banks, operating in each case under State and Federal control to net 6%, and in several cases even better. Write for our current list employ no salesmen. Orders are re- ceived only throu Personal apt PREPARED FOR THE WURST At the Auto Show I met him at the auto show, reviewing the machines, He wore an overcoat of fur, and talked of limousines And touring cars and runibouts and bodies underslung ; He had the name of every car, it seemed, upon his tongue. He talked of carbureters and ignition ‘sparks and $, The mystifying terms he used still ring within my ears; From booth to booth with him I strolled, and every time we stood To gaze upon a car he showed me what was bad and good He knew how fast this car could go, how fast another couldn't; He knew just what one car would do and what the other wouldn't; He showed me the magneto, and the spark plug, and the coil, The pipe that feeds the gasoline, the cups that feed the oil. Unto myself, this man thought I, must be a millionaire, Or else he manufactures cars—he has a city air, But when I asked his name, he said, “It’s Hezekiah Brown; I work a forty-acre farm just thirty miles from town.” troit Free Press, Caron! Bitters—One (1) Pony Glass before meals. | Tonic and Appetizer. No home without it An Accidental Omission The Cynic was discoursing on matri- meny. “You say that no man ought to marry a woman wh fat or thin, tall or short, large or small,” we said. “Then in your opinion the only sort of woman one ought to marry is one who is of medium size?" “Mercy!” said the Cynic. “ How for- getful Lam! I forgot he: —Lippincott's, Best Oct. C, Blache & Co., 78 Broad St., N. Y., Gea'l Distrs. From America’s Most Famous Spring— Waukesha, “The World's Best Table Water” In NEW Sterilized Bottles only Classical While one thing essential to a cultured lawyer is a thorongh knowledge of Latin, it is not necessary that he should parade his classical knowledge, for he might be “taken down a peg,” as was the young lawyer who displayed his learning before an Arkansas jury. His opponent re plied: “ Gentlemen of the jury, the young lawyer who just addressed you has roamed with Romulus, canted with Can tharides, ripped with Euripides, socked with Socrates, but what does he know about the laws of Arkansas?” —Philadelphia Record In a Pinch, use ALLENS FOOT+EASE, Hoist “Tam sorry to be critical, my dear.” said Mr. Lambkin, “but this pie is not the kind that mother used to make—not by a long shot.” “It’s too bad, Henry,” said Mrs. Lamb- kin, amiably. “I don’t know what to do about it. Perhaps you'd better ring her up on the ’phone and tell her, She sent it over this afternoon” Harper's Weekly CoaTsa Skirts RECEPTION ano Evenine Dresses comicbooks.com ‘ ‘ ;