Life — October 20, 1910 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘LTE Meneses A QUESTION OF SCENT Willie Antelope: Now, JOHNNY wartHoG, You'Re “ 11," AND IT’S OUR TURN TO HIDE. YOU MUST HOLD YOUR NOSE WHILE YOU COUNT A HUNDRED. How to Remove the Appendix WING to the grawth of this industry we herewith append a few first aids to the appendicitisized, or appendi- citiseized, as some prefer to spell it. Just as soon as you discover a pain in the region of the stomach call up your bank and find out the status of your ac- count If your balance is written in black or blue ink you have appendicitis, provided it hasn't already been removed, in which case you will have to find another means of reducing both the pain and the balance. But, if your balance is writ- ten in red ink, you have merely eaten something which disa- greed with you. Having fully determined upon having appendicitis the rest is easy. Call the doctor. Do not call the surgeon, for that would disturb the system. The dear old family doctor starts it off. Before he finishes he will have called in all his friendly practitioners in consultation and all his friendly surgeons in operation, meaning that some day, when you operate on your bank account for their benefit, there will be a boisterous melon- cutting bee. Do not try to discover how much each one gets. Simply rest content that the dear old family doctor knows what surgeons pay the best commissions—usually the poorest ones. There are two things you shouldn't worry about. First, your life. The operation is simple. Otherwise the price would not be so high. And, besides, dead men pay few bills. Secondly, do not worry about your bill. The dear old family doctor will attend to that, and it would do no good to worry. If you must worry, it is best to be broke in the first place. Life’s Suffragette Contest $300 to the Winner L IFE will pay the sum of Three Hundred Dollars for the best reason, or reasons, why any man should not marry a suffragette. CONDITIONS: The answer should be limited to three hundred words, Each manuscript, however, may be as short as the contestant prefers. Manuscripts must be typewritten, and should be addressed to Tue Contest Epitor or Lirz, 17 West 31st Street, New York. The contest is now on, and will close on Decem- ber 31st, 1910. Manuscripts received after that date will not be considered. Lire will pay at its regular rates for all manu- scripts published. The prize will be awarded by the Editors of Lire, and the announcement of the winner will be made as soon after January Ist, 1911, as possible. It is not necessary to be a regular subscriber to Lire in order to compete. The contest is open to every one. Unique Among Honeymoons OUR honeymoon was a great success, was it not? '’ “ Simply unparalleled! Why, we came back home with money—and we still love each other!" The Visitor: won’t you COME OVER HERE AND TELL ME YOUR NAME? Child of Wealthy Parents: ‘xo, 1 won't. AN’ TIRED 0” BEIN’ INTERVIEWED, IM JUST sick comicbooks.com