Life, 1910-07-28 · page 12 of 40
Life — July 28, 1910 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page combines two unrelated satirical pieces: **Upper Section:** An illustrated catalog of dog and cat breeds with humorous descriptions—the Haredale Terrier, Poodlepuss, Catrooster, Guinea Dog, Sachet Kitten, and Fishhound. These are fictional hybrid animals presented as absurd breeding experiments, crediting various "M.D." experimenters. The satire targets pseudoscientific animal breeding fads and the pretentiousness of selective breeding practices. **"A Waste of Time":** A dialogue between a doctor and his female patient mocking both medical quackery and women's perceived obsessions with appearance and social status. The doctor suggests absurd "treatments" (radium baths) while critiquing her constant dissatisfaction and clothing concerns. The satire attacks both incompetent medical practitioners and contemporary stereotypes about frivolous women. Both pieces exemplify early 20th-century satirical humor targeting scientific charlatanism and gender stereotypes.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE HAREDALE TERRIER NEST POSSIMLE DOG FOR WELSH THE RAKEBITS. THE POODLEPUSS INVALUABLE, AS IT DECEIVES ROTH CATS AND DOGS. These triumphs of Vivisection are due entirely to the genius of the distinguished experimenters whose names are here given: Bigfee Cutter, M.D. Mefor Ennifad, M.D. Kaynine Tawtcher, M.D. Phunn Phoruss, M.D. Wordie Wyse, M.D. Knery Pynchor, M.D. Payne Galore, M.D. Dr. Benton Slawter A Waste of Time HE first assistant specialist in the Torture Invention Department presented him- self one bright, warm morning in front of his Sa- tanic Majesty. “Sire,” he said, perspir- t ingly, “I have invented an entirely new thing—for certain women.” “What is the plan?" “Unique and effective. I first take a woman and give her nothing to do.”” “Admirable. That alone is worth the price of admission,” said His Majesty satirically. “T then instill into her mind a secret and terrible desire to have children, and a supreme selfishness which makes her shrink from all the consequences. Ma- ternal instinct versus ease and comfort and all that sort of thing.”’ “Lovely contrast.” “Isn't i Whipsawing. Then I sur- round her with slaves—who impose upon her at every opportunity.” “Umph! Docs she know that they secretly despise her?" “Oh, certainly. She knows it, and she is obliged to ignore it.” “Ah—that’s rather good.”* “Then I kecp making her change her clothes. All the time. Fitting, lacing, tightening. She just. can't help it. Eternally dissatisfied, always envying some one else and hoping that the next thing will do, I flatter myself that this is delicately and insistently torturing.’” “Oh, youdo,do you? Well, proceed." “I next instill into her an abnormal appetite for food. This tends to make her fat. Fat is her horror. She has nothing to do but eat, and all sorts of dishes are constantly before her. Yet if she does cat she becomes fatter and fatter. Eh? How's that? Your able mind will perceive the continuous mental and physical distress.”” “Please don’t define the thing. give the facts. Go on.” “Well, I fill her with a restlessness. Oh, I can hardly describe that restless- ness. It is beautiful. It keeps her up night and day. She is always going, go- ing, never satisfied, filled with envy, wondering whether she cannot find some- thing new and ever being disappointed. Then there are some little touches of my own. For example, I have thought of a plan of making her wear hair, mountains Just waved him off with a gesture of disdain. “My boy,” he said, “I really had hopes of you, but this won't do at all.’” “Don’t you like it?" “Why, you red-headed cinder, don’t you know that you are about fifty years lichind the times. You must have been reading the associated press dispatches. Go and take a radium bath and sec if you can’t get some of the cobwebs out of your brain.’’ OATS THE CATROOSTER VERY VALUABLE ABOUT THE BAR! RATS AND IT A WEN, MICE ARE DECEIVED, THIS THE GUINEADOG AFFECTIONATE CHILDREN’S PET. SPL DID FOR BREEDING PURPOSES. THE SACHET KITTEN, OR SKUNKET SPLENDID LITTLE ANIMAL AWAY INTRUDERS; ALSO WILL ANY ODOR. FOR DRIVING UTILATE THE FISHHOUND NO SPORTSMAN CAN AFFORD TO BE WITHOUT A FISHIOUND, THIS ANIMAL WILL FOLLOW A FISIE FOR MILES, IN OR OUT OF WATER. comicbooks.com