Life — July 14, 1910 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

sthe corporal, “ President Lincoln knows, doesn’t he “but he can't s ypotatoes into human nature ?. < 74 I BUY YOUR NEWSPAPER AND DON'T FIND ANY SIN IT.” TO-DAY'S NEWS WAS IN YESTERDAY'S PAPER!” Daumter and Garvarni.” International Studio tra Number. John Lane Company. “ Ho’ OF TO-DAY’S —From Special Yankee Notions « There was in my regiment during the war— Twas a chaplain—a certain corporal, a gay-hearted fellow and a good soldier, of whom I was very fond—with whom con occasion of his recovery from a dangerous sickness I felt it my duty to have a serious pastoral talk; and while esced I watched for an opportunity for it. As I y on the side of his bed in the hospital tent chat- ting with him he asked me what the campaign, when by sand by spring opened, was going to be. I told him that I didn't know. ‘“ Well,” said he, “TL suppose that General McClellan knows all about it.” (This was away back in 1861, not long after we went to the field.) I answered * General McClellan has his plans, of course, but he doesn’t know. Things may not run_as he expects.” “ But,” said No,” [ said, “he doesn’t know cither. He has his id ad any more than General McClellan can.” “ Dear me,” said the corporal, “it would be a great comfort if there was somebody that did know about things "—and I saw my chance. “True, corporal,” [ ob- served, “that’s a very natu feeling; and the blessed fact is there is One who docs knew everything; both past and future, about you and me, and about this army; who knows. when we are going to mo: ’s going to happen; knows the whole thing.” ys the cor- poral, “you mean old Scott!” (Laughter.) —By Joseph Hopkins 1 Table-talk What is an Irishman but chell, mere machine for converting “Humor of Ireland” LIFE Tired Out Lamb said of ati eccentric person: “ Why does not his guardian angel look after him? He deserves one. Maybe he has tired him out.” Sir Isaac Newton's Courtship led by his friends Sir Isaac, we are told, was once pers and a suitable to entertain some thoughts of marria young lady was selected by them. Though considerably engaged with celestial bodies at the time, he liked the terrestrial luminary very well, but in the honest way of courtship he informed the. girl that he had many odd habits, Complaisant and good-natured, as most young ladies are under the circumstances, the fair one promised to be in- dulgent; and so pleased was Sir Isaac with her kind-heart- ss that he resorted to his favorite pipe immediately. Enjoying it whiff after whiff, he entered into conversation with his sweet partner, held her hand in his, squeezing it occasionally as a lover ought. At length he sank into one of his abstracted reveries, and whether he was thinking of the apple and its fall, of squaring the circle, or of what else, never has been determined, but his pipe becoming dull he, in the absence of his mind, unwittingly raised the yielding damsel’s hand towards it and used her little finger as a tobacco-stopper. Her screams aroused him, and looking innocently in her face, the philosopher exclaimed: “ Ah, my dear madam, I beg your pardon! I see it won't do! I see, T see, that I'am doomed to remain a bachelor.” J'AL TROIS SOUS (“ Lhave three pence. —From Daumrer and Garvarm.” Internation Special Extra Number. John Lane Company. Studio comicbooks.com aking | ns per lutely ¢ BRANCH Unto St.. CI tan Bi t Mutual